By now we're all well aware Beyoncé's halftime performance was the greatest thing of all time, a twelve-minute stomping and singing spectacle that redefined the meaning of "woman." In the days following, Beyoncé was crowned the "New King of Pop" (take that, Madonna!) even after giving her upcoming world tour the arguably submissive "Mrs. Carter" title. In fact, the only potential smudge on an otherwise glorious week was an errant email from a publicist requesting the removal of several less-than-flattering Queen B images featured in a Buzzfeed post. A shocker to none, Buzzfeed published said request drawing far more attention to a couple camera angles that otherwise would have gone unnoticed.
Really though, no one messes with Beyoncé. So as a service to all, we've pre-emptively identified several questionable depictions of Mrs. Knowles currently available for public consumption on crafting haven, Etsy. If you click on the images, that'll take you to the item's Etsy page, which will in turn prove to you that we're not making this stuff up.
BEYONCÉ ON EARRINGS
Holy smokes, who are these people? What are these not-at-all-fierce outfits? And why is Beyoncé to the left (to the left) rather than center stage? Seriously though, who are these people? As an accessory alternative, may we suggest these decoupaged studs featuring the "iconic" image of Bey in a Willie Nelson tee.
BEYONCÉ ON A PLATE
Don't eat off Beyoncé.
BEYONCÉ ON A WINE GLASS
Or drink out of Beyoncé. Also, what's up with the stray third nostril?
BEYONCÉ ON A VINYL RECORD
Put a Beyoncé on it? Beyoncé is the new bird? We're still working this out, but these spray painted vinyl portraits are individually crafted and displayed on a fire escape overlooking Portland's "most major" downtown street. Even assuming the vibrant green color is derived from organic kale (it's not), we might argue Beyoncé deserves a more regal canvas.
BEYONCÉ ON ACTUAL CANVAS
...But probably not this one. The artist here set out to paint Christina Milian (don't we all?), though through a Bob Ross-worthy happy accident Beyoncé revealed herself in the final portrait now known as "Beyontina Knowlian." Grab it while you can.
Jokes aside, please buy this Jay-Z finger puppet.
Becky Bass works at VICE.
This Modern Love: We Are Scientists
Do you rate 'BASEketball,' love Hanes v-necks, and dancing to goofy-ass, Prohibition-era jazz? You may be the lady Keith from We Are Scientists has been scouring the planet for.
A Conversation with New York Legend—Photographer Maripol
Photographer/Designer Maripol's styled Madonna, Deborah Harry, and Grace Jones. She talks about her experiences in NY in the early 80s, her new book, plus here's the premiere of her song and video for "Tuesday."
Here's 11 Awesome Things About Petite Meller's Video for "IceBear" ft. Joe Fleisch
Parisian pop princess goes winter wonderland weird.
Here's "Hero"—The Brand New Tune by Diplo, Frank Ocean, and The Clash
We hung out with the boys in Brooklyn about this unlikely collaboration
"Daughter, Daughter" by D/C Will Make You Root for the Supposed Bad Boy
When will parents understand that when they butt into your love life, you're gonna run 100 miles per hour in the other direction?
An Interview With Georgia Nott of BROODS
Gorgia Nott has a lot to be happy about. At 19, the New Zealand musician is half of BROODS, one of the quickest rising duos in electronic pop music at the moment.
Keep Up With Our SXSW 2014 Coverage Here
Hopefully, we don't die.
The Score: Mapping the Music and Style of 'That Thing You Do!'
Sixties chic via the 90s and that one song over and over and over.
We're Premiering Big K.R.I.T.'s "Steps" Documentary & a New Song Feat. Big SANT & Smoke DZA
#weekofKRIT Is Almost Over.
Kanye West and Crustpunk: Together at Last
It's the Leftöver Crack/Kanye mashup you've been waiting for.