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Music

Michelle Obama's Turnip Vine Proves She Is Not Illuminati Lizard in Trousers

And blows the door off vegetable rap puns.
Emma Garland
London, GB

Is there anything more universally compelling than observing the political class trying to negotiate social media? Like, shouldn’t they all be too busy doing some really important shit to be on Twitter? Why are you Instagramming right now, Ed Miliband? Still, the fact that they take time off from running the world and all that rubbish to sometimes to take a selfie is comforting, in a way. It means they are real people like you and I, not illuminati lizard people in well pressed trousers. Thank god for that, right? For those unconvinced, I give you these four words: Michelle Obama Turnip Vine. And in case you somehow don’t know what I”m talking about, basically last night Michelle Obama continued her reign of being the least illuminati lizard person by producing this:

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Yeah, that is a DJ Snake and Lil Jon pun she just made to promote her healthy living campaign whilst simultaneously burning the shit out of this Obama impersonator who asked her how many calories she burns when she “turns up”. What else would you expect from a woman who curated a hip-hop album and whose workout playlist includes Chubb Rock?

This is 2014 though, and even a humorous five second clip can cause cultural tremors on an internet where nobody can have a mild opinion on anything anymore. If you want a glance at how the pop culture commentariat have become radicalised, note how polarised the emotional spectrum of reactions to “the turnip vine” ranges from "fucking hell her children are probably filing for emancipation" to "best Vine EVER she just won the internet!" with absolutely nothing in the middle.

But the best thing about the whole thing, which nobody seems to have touched upon yet, is that it blows the fucking doors open for a whole hoard of health-related hip-hop puns for the FLOTUS to include in her health campaign to trick more unsuspecting children into putting green things (that are not boogers) into their mouths. Michelle, replenish that veg drawer, because we want "Bitch Don't Kale My Vibe" and "Beet Without a Bass" by Friday. Ok, we're done now.

Follow Emma on Twitter: @emmaggarland