I Stayed Up For 24 Hours Straight and Watched a Bunch of Movies Referenced by Rappers Because I Am Insane

My idea was simple: Would it be possible, like pop culture websites of all stripes do on holidays, to program a 24-hour film festival of movies that are referenced in rap songs in 2013? It turned out it was; in fact, I could have done at least a 27-hour film festival without even trying hard. It would make for light-hearted web content gruel, and be an excuse to write about Forrest Gump and Danny Brown at the same damn time.

But this is where my idea went off the rails: I know from a friend who contributed to a list like this that no one is desperate, insane, or lonely enough to actually watch the full 24-hour film festival they created. And no one even expects the people reading the 24-hour film festival list to watch all of the movies. It’s more a funny list device.

But that’s where I’m different; I am the only person bold/forsaken/audacious enough to both program and watch a 24-hour film festival list. After all, I am a single male without “real” responsibilities and few people in my life that would worry if I spend 24 hours watching movies alone.

So what follows is a liveblogging of watching 24 hours straight of movies referenced by rappers this calendar year. Would I be able to glean some deep insights about the popular culture our popular rappers like to talk about in song? Would I notice weird through-lines between The Waterboy, How Stella Got Her Groove Back and CB4? Would I slowly come apart at the seams?

“I'm 'bout to wild the fuck out, I'm going Bobby Boucher”
-Kanye West, “New Slaves”

7:07 AM: I am 87% sure the last time I stayed up for a full 24 hours on purpose, sans alcohol, was at my friend Nick’s 13th birthday party. And I am 100% certain we watched the Waterboy, because at every birthday party I went to between 1997 and 2002, we watched at least one Adam Sandler movie. Shout out to Nick.

7:24 AM: People don’t give Kanye enough credit for his sense of humor; mainstream audiences see him as a humorless artiste or a humorless self-absorbed millionaire. But I mean, c’mon: He referenced the seventh best Adam Sandler movie in a song called “New Slaves.” There are levels to this shit. This reference is funnier than any episode of Workaholics.

7:57 AM: Then again, part of me wonders if Kanye referenced Waterboy because he doesn’t get much time to go to the multiplex anymore—this happens when you are a god—and there are enormous holes in his movie viewing since 1998. Which just makes me kind of sad for Kanye.

8:04 AM: The soundtrack on this is the most 1998 thing that has ever existed. This was the last movie that could use “Hooch” by Everything non-ironically.

“Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana, Hannah Montana.”
-Migos, “Hannah Montana”

8:39 AM: I dramatically underestimated how much hair metal kid pop would be in the Hannah Montana movie, and I have been watching it for four minutes.

8:49 AM: It turns out this movie is about Billy Ray Cyrus deciding that there needs to be more regular person than pop star in his daughter’s life, and sequestering her on a farm.

9:03 AM: I will not make the Hannah Montana movie is a prequel to the Office joke. Jan did not date Billy Ray Cyrus before working for Dunder Mifflin.

9:06 AM: Because of where Miley Cyrus was in 2010, Rascal Flatts are in this. If they made it today, Migos and Mike Will Made It would be in this, and Miley would twerk on them.

9:26 AM: MILEY JUST SAID, “IF YOU GUYS DONT MIND IM GOING TO ADD A LITTLE HIP HOP TO THIS HOEDOWN” AND NOW SHE IS SING-RAPPING ABOUT A COUNTRY/RAP DANCE CALLED THE “HOEDOWN”! WHY IS EVERYONE SO SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE IS DOING NOW? SHE DID ALL THIS SHIT IN A NATIONALLY DISTRIBUTED MOVIE 3 YEARS AGO!

10:11 AM: Billy Ray Cyrus gets to second base at his daughter's concert in this, in case you doubt his flex.

10:17 AM: This movie ended at 10:17. This was on accident, but also on purpose.

“Just on the d-low, Luca Brasi selling kilos.”
-Kevin Gates, “Satellites”

10:23 AM: I feel confident that I am the only person who has backed a viewing of Hannah Montana: The Movie with The Godfather.

11:15 AM: I “get” why Godfather is considered one of the best movies of all time, but I think it’s one of those things that you know is true but you don’t actually have to experience to know. I know for certain that Mount Rushmore is beautiful; but I don’t think it’s necessary to go there for this to be “true.” Watching Al Pacino talk about the mores of Italian mafia culture 40 years ago is the new Mount Rushmore.

11:47 AM: Kevin Gates’ consistent Luca Brasi references are the most interesting reference out of all of these. Brasi is dead 45 minutes into the movie, and you hardly see him do anything other than worry about if he got the “right” gift for the Don’s daughter. Tales of his apparently brutally violent exploits are all secondhand; he’s noted mostly for his undying loyalty to the Don. He’s a tertiary character at best. What’s interesting is that Gates doesn’t reference or call himself the Don, because he doesn’t see himself as the Don. He’d rather be the down to ride, loyal, brutal right hand man. This is more interesting to me than The Godfather at this point.

12:50 PM: I wonder what it means that I have more to say about Hannah Montana: The Movie than I do about The Godfather.

“Now they spinning through the furnace like the scene from The Rock.”
-Action Bronson, “Strictly 4 My Jeeps”

1:42 PM This is the first time I have watched this in its entirety. This movie is one that feels like it should only be watched from 1 AM to 3 AM on TNT when you are high. This is why Action Bronson referenced it.

2:13 PM The thing that no one wants to admit about Michael Bay movies is that they are all basically just GTA missions spread out over two hours.

2:20 PM Nicolas Cage is related to Francis Ford Coppola who directed The Godfather. There are levels to this shit.

2:30 PM The aforementioned furnace scene. This is the most hilarious rap-movie reference of all time. I want more rappers to just describe situations using specific scenes from a movie.

3:10 PM I couldn’t convince any of my friends to come spend time with me while watching these movies. They know better than to encourage me, and one of them asked how this was any different than how I normally spend my Saturdays (he’s dead to me). But two of my co-workers came over to watch a third of The Godfather and The Rock. They plan to bail once this is over, and I don’t blame them.

3:23 PM A guy just fell out of a building onto a pole and died. All I could think was, "Same."

“Never lost my groove I don't know no Stella.”
-Joey Bada$$, “Alowha”

4:04 PM: There was just an exposition-heavy scene in which Whoopi Goldberg stuffs the crotch of a Calvin Klein mannequin.

4:34 PM: Way more wind-through-the-patio-door sex scenes than I expected.

4:48 PM: The funniest part about this reference to me is that the knock on Joey Bada$$ is that his entire existence is a pile of ‘90s rap signifiers, that he doesn’t have any “originality” that can’t be found on a Rawkus promo disc from 1998. His fans deny this, of course, but this reference is damning; even his movie references sound like shit he swiped from someone who already broke all the ground he’s currently traversing.

5:34 PM: The big dream Stella has is starting a furniture company. She was a proto-hipster.

5:40 PM: Taye Diggs butt shot, followed by a shower sex scene. I have never watched a movie that could go from being a travelogue, to softcore porn, to being a movie about how age is a great divider of people and cancer is horrible, and back again in 25 minutes.

“Mike'll fuck a rapper's life up like Mo'Nique did to Precious.”
-Killer Mike, “Get It”

6:33 PM: This movie is the one I have most been dreading; I tried watching this when it won awards and got good reviews, but had to bail. Something about the overwhelming misery in the first half didn’t allow me to make it to the end when things start looking up. Felt like bailing again, but I have to do this. For science.

7:09 PM: Killer Mike is the coldest motherfucker out right now. How cold? He will beat you with a frying pan and stunt you developmentally, and call you mean names, and make you lie to social workers about the abuse he is dishing out on you. Coldest. Rapper. Of. All. Time.

7:15 PM: My mom just called to verify that I was still alive, and to ask how I was doing during this, to, as she said, “Be supportive.” This must be what it’s like to have a drug problem your parents are worried about.

7:32 PM: I have fallen into a pit of despair that I am not sure I will ever climb out of.

“Ruby Red dragon, my Aladdin station wagon.”
-Riff Raff, “Yacht Lash”

7:57 PM: I haven’t watched this since probably 1998, but I could still sing 90% of the opening song. I wonder what portions of high school chemistry my brain trash binned in order to hold on to that.

8:02 PM: Girl, my name is Jafar, I’m the biggest asshole in Agrobah.

8:06 PM: That Jai Paul song is totally about the Jasmine from this. Because my heart wants to sing a million songs to her right now even though she’s a cartoon and I am allegedly an adult male.

8:19 PM: I get that I am supposed to root for Aladdin—it’s his movie—but the adult in me recognizes that he is still a thief, you know? He and that monkey steal everything that isn’t nailed down.

8:38 PM: Genie: “Al, just be yourself.”
Aladdin: “That’s the last thing I want to be.”
Me: “Me too.”

8:44 PM: I am beginning to realize the “logic” of watching 24 hours of movies that rappers reference in song and expecting some “truth” to be revealed is probably flawed. That I had this revelation during the magic carpet ride from Aladdin is probably not a coincidence.

8:46PM: Because I have learned that rappers usually aren’t just rapping about what they’re currently doing. They’re not trying to win a freestyling contest; they are just choosing funny phrases to rhyme. Riff Raff reinforces this more forcefully than any rapper; hardly any of his pop culture references actually “make sense.” They exist to be like Wikipedia; there for LOLZ but not deep reading.

9:04 PM: I really want some rapper to pluck Peabo Bryson out of his current semi-obscurity to be the new Charlie Wilson on rap songs. Imagine him showing up on Fallon with 2 Chainz and the haircut from this video. The results would be sublime.

“Mulan bitch wanna fuck for an hour.”
-A$AP Ferg, “Lord”

9:51 PM: I love movies where a woman has to learn how to be a man via montage, like being a man is a task so insurmountable, time has to be sped up in order to fit in all the learning to be a man. But being a man is easy; mostly I act like the total of human history has been unduly fair to me, and go from there. Also, I pee standing up and I spit a lot.

10:06 PM: “What do we want? A girl worth fighting for”—the dudes in Mulan’s army, and every dude watching Mulan at 10 PM on a Saturday alone, in his pajamas. Because we’re all single.

10:21 PM: I almost didn’t use this reference and movie because it’s the most offensive, by far. Ferg is not the clearest voice for celebrating diversity. But I really wanted an excuse to watch Mulan, because it’s one of the most underrated films from Disney in the last 25 years. Part of me hopes Ferg took the positive message of Mulan and purposefully distorted it to make a point, but the other part of me is not stupid.

10:25 PM: And Ferg had it wrong anyway. This movie is 87 minutes long. Not an hour.

10:31 PM: The reason Mulan is better than basically every other woman-led Disney movie is that she gets to be the one that kicks all the ass. Mulan would kill Sleeping Beauty in a fight. She’d cave in Ariel’s orbital if they threw hands.

“Prince Akeem, they throw flowers at my feet.”
-Drake, “Tuscan Leather”

11:10 PM: Little known fact about Coming to America: If you play Eddie’s 1985 pop album How Could It Be when the movie starts, it totally lines up. That rumor about Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz is bullshit. This is the truth.

11:51 PM: I’m not really that worried about the staying awake for 24 hours; I’m more worried about the possibility of blood clots. I remember watching that episode of Deadliest Catch where one of the captains almost died because he spent too much time sitting down and he got mad blood clots. I will not Google if it’s really possible to die from blood clots from sitting.

11:53 PM: Shit. I googled it. I am going to watch CB4 standing up at a desk.

12:38 AM: The irony of Drake referencing the flowers being thrown at Prince Akeem’s feet is that about six minutes into the movie, Akeem (played by Murphy) decides he doesn’t want people throwing flowers at his feet. He doesn’t want the attendant perks that come with being a prince and comes to America to see if he can live a normal life, and he did. Drake meanwhile, came to America to see if he could be more famous, and could work his way up to figurative women throwing flowers at his feet. And he did. Drake is Aladdin, not Prince Akeem.

“I see flaws, cracks in your diamond/CB4 when you rhyme, Simple Simon.”
-Pusha-T, “Numbers on the Boards”

12:57 AM: The easiest way to explain what happens in this to someone who hasn’t seen it? Tell them it’s basically the Rick Ross story, starring Chris Rock. But it was made 15 years before Rick Ross became a phenomenon.

1:21 AM: This has been called the Spinal Tap of rap, but it’s a bit deeper than that movie. This one takes on the self-mythology of rap personas, it takes into account white fan cultural tourism, groupies, hip-hop journalism, lyrical content that ruffles feathers, merchandising of rappers, politicians using rap to get votes, rap labels, basically every angle of rap circa 1993 (and 2013). Everyone who thinks that rap lyrics are 100% autobiographical should be required to watch this.

1:44 AM: Being that N.W.A. are in this, and a large part of the story here seems lifted from N.W.A.’s first couple years as a group, they must have been cool with Chris Rock insinuating that N.W.A. were manufactured. Which was true, but that wasn’t something that a lot of people considered about the group in 1993. This is actually a really great piece of music criticism, which isn’t surprising, since famed music critic Nelson George co-wrote this.

“Like Lieutenant Dan I’m rollin’.”
-Danny Brown, “Dip”

2:31 AM: Under difficult to explain reasoning, I once watched this as part of my AP U.S. History class. This would be like teaching Catcher in the Rye fan fiction as “close enough” to the novel to consider it reading the novel.

2:46 AM: Sexual abuse played as a misunderstood plot device. This won Best Picture. Less than 20 years ago.

2:49 AM: The Waterboy and Forrest Gump both feature a guy with developmental disabilities who is forced onto a collegiate football team to play a game he does not understand.

3:48 AM: While it’s highly questionable that this movie rewrites three decades of history to make it seem like a single white Baby Boomer helped change a lot of things, it did help introduce a generation of kids to music from the ‘60s. I didn’t know that Jefferson Airplane suck until I saw this movie.

4:04 AM: That I’ve made it this long without any semi-illicit substance to keep me awake is the remarkable part of this right now.

4:32 AM: Probably didn’t feel so good for the real people dying of AIDS in the mid-‘90s to see their death sentence disease turned into a plot device in a movie about a developmentally disabled dude whose wife only got AIDS so that it would tick off a recent history talking point.

“Uh, my mind move like a Tron bike.”
-Kanye West, “I’m In It”

4:53 AM: I realize that Kanye might have been referencing the original Tron, but being that he hangs out with Daft Punk and he seems like the kind of dude who would love the design work in this, I think its safe to assume he meant this one.

5:01 AM: The thing you realize when staying up for 24 hours is that time is a meaningless construct meant to keep us docile and tucked into instruments of our own oppression aka our 500 thread count sheets and our down comforters. Either that or I am hallucinating from a lack of sleep.

5:26 AM: Watching this is like watching 2 ½ hours of videogame cut scenes. I keep waiting for the part where I get to crash a motorcycle into something, but it never comes.

5:37 AM: “So, like, computers have a culture in this world that involves playing games on fast light bikes, and like, there were these other computer programs that were like, rounded up in a computer program holocaust, and like, also, the digital realm, man,”—the very stoned screenwriter pitching this to a Disney exec who somehow bought this idea.

6:14 AM: How scary was it for that few years when it seemed like appearing in this and doing the score would be the best thing Daft Punk would be involved in since 2001?

6:19 AM: I don’t know who decided this, but having that race of people who look like they are human-shaped sausage cases filled with white milk was not a good move.

6:40 AM: The thing that is crazy about this movie is that you could turn the sound off, and play like, a Garth Brooks album, and this would be the most beautiful music video of all time. With actual dialogue, it’s one of the stupidest movies ever.

7:00 AM: Finally done. I learned that the movies rappers choose to reference in song is as varied and as random as the rappers themselves. I learned that not even drinking six beers in an hour at 5 AM can make Tron Legacy make any sense. I learned that doing anything for 24 straight hours is pure lunacy, even if that thing is sitting on your couch watching movies. I am going to bed.

Andrew Winistorfer is actually still awake. He's on Twitter — @thestorfer