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Undiscovered Beatles Album Released!

By Gavin Haynes

Odds are, you believe the official Beatles story. You believe that they stopped recording as the 1960s ended and began furrowing new, exciting, crappy solo careers for the rest of eternity. But, get ready for a truth bomb, because they did not! In fact, they continued recording as The Beatles for years, you just haven't heard the albums… Until now.

A few years ago, a man from Livermore, California, discovered these hidden Beatles records, released them on the internet, and opened some big-time questions on the nature of time, space, and Mark Chapman's ability to kill people.

OK, granted, “I live in Livermore, California” is never going to be a sentence that screams: “I am a beacon of sanity. Sober as a Lutheran pastor, I am a pillar of fortitude, rectitude and non-crazytude.” But, don't judge him just yet.

Our hero, who has decided to dub himself “James Richards” for purposes of anonymity, had a close encounter of the Fab kind while lost deep in the desert.

“Now this is where the story becomes slightly more unbelievable,” he notes, with an uncanny ability to defuse our suspicions. “And it is almost embarrassing to attempt to explain the incident to you for fear of viewing me as completely absurd...”

The long story in short:

On September 9 2009, Richards was letting his dog take a leak when he fell down a literal rabbit hole, and awoke in a room filled with gizmos, where a guy called 'Jonas' announced he was from another dimension. “I immediately started asking questions about traveling to parallel worlds,” says Richards, “Since all I knew about the topic was YouTube videos of Michio Kaku.” Good start, James.

So Jonas says he's got a Parallel Travel Machine. Richards believes him unhesitatingly. They chat about the parallel-ness of parallel worlds. Which must be mind-blowing in itself: I bet there's a parallel universe out there where Pepsi is Coke and Coke is Pepsi, and every time you want a Coke Zero you have to ask for a Pepsi Max, and every time you want a Mint Aero you have to ask for a Dipped Flake.

While they're thick in this discussion, Jonas starts playing some tapes he's got of The Beatles. Only: they're nothing like any Beatles you've ever heard before. Sure, Sgt Peppers is the same (the cover's a bit different), but then there's the six albums of post-1970 stuff. In other words: recordings from A World Where The Beatles Never Broke Up.

“Of course I am not the type of person to go through all of this parallel world stuff and not grab something to prove the outrageous story of my experience,” Richards notes with remarkable clarity for a man from Livermore, California. Before being shown the exit portal, James stole a tape. It is a tape of the famous post-'70 Beatles record, Everyday Chemistry (**** - 'rollicking' – Q Magazine). Bish bash bosh, kazaam kerpow, woosh, blam, and Richards is back on good old fashioned earth, holding the greatest artifact in both rock and roll history and theoretical physics. Result!

So, thanks to Richards' intrepid voyaging, the entire record is available – for free – at the bottom of this blog.

A few snap judgements before you do:

1.
This is the album Mark Chapman would've made if he'd had access to a copy of DJ Pro and decided to do something useful with his spare time instead of spending it all with his nose in Catcher In The Rye.

2.
This is the album that proves what Alan Partridge knew all along: “Ah, Wings: the band The Beatles could have been.”

3.
This is the album that consists of lots of clips of McCartney and Lennon songs from Imagine and II and some of the more tragic albums that they both started turning out in remarkable synchronicity-of-shitness after 1973. It's a mess of samples all cobbled together into something new-ish, a lot like that Love record that was supposed to be quite good – and it was clearly made with the terrifying patience of the truly pathological.

4.
This is a rip-roaring rollercoaster ride of a record. Sure, they've had their critics in the past, but the Beatles are back on form after slumping on the trite Abbey Road, and frankly losing the plot in the blundering blues boogie bog of Let It Be. Finally, they've delivered on their early promise. It's the one album all true next-dimension Beatles fan should own. Apart from those albums yet to be discovered in other-other dimensions, of course.

Still suspicious? Here, sooth your incredulity with some of the Frequently Asked Questions from the site:

Q: So was there a Yoko Ono in this universe?
A: As far as I could tell there was, I remember seeing her name on one of the tapes, not sure why (song title?) I didn't ask much about her in our conversations though...”

Q: I was just wondering when this incident apparently happened, I downloaded the album and have no clue what year to accredit this album too?
A: The incident of myself acquiring the tape happened on September 9 of this year, the actual release of the album in the alternate dimension is unknown to me. My guess is it came out late 70's - mid 80's but to be honest I have no clue.

Q: You know, I love the album, and as much as I hate sounding like a skeptic of you...Well, track 3 STRONGLY reminds me of a Sting song. In fact, the main riff of "Anybody Else" (track 3, as I'm sure you know) sounds like it's copied from the Sting song. I just can't figure out which song it is.
A: I'm not sure of what Sting song you are talking about, but I'm am pretty sure that Sting wasn't in the Beatles in the alternate dimension I went to. Maybe just a coincidence?