Thousands of Kids Across America Are Rapping About Sausages

I thought I had a strong grip on popular culture, but it turns out I have absolutely no intuition when it comes to identifying the types of memes that are going to rush to online prominence anymore, especially in 2015. The internet firewood of the last few weeks has felt a bit like the highlights reel for a TV show in 3022 called Humans Did The Funniest Things, watched exclusively by post-apocalyptic super computers who bleep and vibrate in glitches of laughter at how fucking dumb hominids became after the dawn of the Internet.

Obviously, we had The Dress. Then there was Dancing Man, now affectionately known as “Sean From London,” who was photographed dancing at a gig, shamed online for being a fat guy dancing at a gig, then celebrated online for being a fat guy dancing at a gig, and is now getting a sympathy gig put on for him by Pharrell Williams and Moby (the Evening Standard reports that Sean has since fled to the Ukraine). Then Kim Kardashian’s new hair sent imgur into overdrive once someone noted its comparisons to Legolas. And elsewhere, two llamas tried to literally run away from us, the human race, only to be lassoed and captured on an Arizona motorway and dragged back to humanity just in time to see their embarrassing but proud escape attempt become an absolute joke storm on Twitter. I mean, deep down, aren’t we all just llamas running down motorways, trying to escape the inevitable lassos of life?

Wow. We're famous. #LlamasonTheLoose pic.twitter.com/k43JK4BYBD

— SunCityLlamas (@SunCityLlamas) February 26, 2015

The newest meme to speak to us all on some odd level might just be the strangest one yet, though. For some reason, shit loads of kids across America are uploading videos of themselves performing a short call and response rap about sausages, usually in their classroom, lunch hall, library or any other public space where shouting “gimme that shit I need some SAUSAGE” would be deemed inappropriate.

This far-reaching trend lives mostly on the #sausagemovement hashtag, and sausage addicts across the whole of America have been spitting bars about their beloved pork cylinders, filming the evidence and posting it online at a pretty impressive rate. There is much dispute within the #sausagemovement as to how it all started, but all roads lead back to two origin videos.

One is a young kid dropping meat bombs in the middle of class during a particularly quiet moment in the lesson (watch above), and it’s the rhythm and formula from this version that has gone on to be used on all copycat versions. And the second video, below, kicks off amongst a bunch of US army lads who nail their rap in the form of a military cadence, led by their bucket hat-wearing MC sergeant, who sounds a lot like the local butcher talking to your mom with Lil Jon acapellas.

This meme has all been gathering speed for over a month now, but the last few days have approached what I’m calling the “danger pork zone,” with pledges to the #sausagemovement meme going worldwide. New videos are now appearing on Vine, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter at an hourly rate from various different young teams across America, and each one is garnering more likes, faves, thumbs ups, retweets, upvotes, and shares than anything you or I have ever said. The most popular video at the moment, is this latest cafeteria rumpus:

And just like all good movements, the sausage rap scene has a load of haters, like this apoplectic school teacher:

Plenty of failed attempts:

And even some tribute versions, like this 8 Mile skit:

Now, I know the more socially conscious amongst you will be thinking: “Oh great, as if the patriarchy weren’t already bending the world over and demanding to be called daddy, now dudes literally have a sausage anthem for themselves!” But fear not. Firstly, one of the most popular and influential sausage rap vids online comes from the bus banging beats of the “Marshall Track Girls”.

Marshall track girls #sausagemovement pic.twitter.com/NDlE1gW2kU

— her. (@_brimichellee)

March 7, 2015

Secondly, the whole thing can’t help but come across as totally innocent because of its brilliantly confused subject matter. I mean, the switching between sausage metaphors (“Lick my dick that shit a Sausage”), to the literal (“I like pancakes and I like Sausage”) and back to metaphor (“My shit brown like a mother fuckin Sausage”) makes for some pretty fucking priceless consequences when any of the more more macho performers try to ham it up before quickly realizing they are shouting a lot more about having sausage in their own mouth than anyone else’s.

So will the #sausagemovement make the Transatlantic leap and start influencing kids in the rest of the world? Probably not. Have we learned anything from this? Definitely not. Will we be eating sausages at the next possible opportunity? Absolutely.

If you’re the enterprising type to get your local sausage scene moving with an impromptu outdoor cypher, then here are the full and supposedly official lyrics according to Rap Genius. Stay porked.

Err'body say "Sausage"
KEEP IT GOING
Eggs, bacon, grits, SAUSAGE!
Tell that bitch come here, lick my SAUSAGE!
Pull up in IHOP ordering SAUSAGE!
Need a pancake with your motherfuckin' SAUSAGE!
Gimme that shit I need some SAUSAGE!
Lick my dick that shit a SAUSAGE!
My shit brown like a motherfuckin' SAUSAGE!
Go head, get head, eat some SAUSAGE!
I like pancakes and I like SAUSAGE!
And I like pancakes and I like SAUSAGE!
Waffles good but I like SAUSAGE!
I eat eggs but give me some SAUSAGE!

You can follow Joe Zadeh on Twitter.

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