The Ultimate Hardcore Playlist to Get You Into #BEASTMODE, Bro

Sup, bro? Summer’s just around the corner and you know what that means. It means you gotta be looking swole as hell at the beach in just a few weeks. So you need to be hitting the weights hard, bruh. Bench press, dumbbell bicep curls, incline bench press, barbell bicep curls, decline bench press, cable bicep curls. But no cardio. That shit’s for pussies.

What’s the most crucial thing you need to hit the gym? You need some sick hardcore jams on your iPod, brah. It’s cheaper than N.O. Xplode and easier to get than HGH. They don’t have to be songs you’re super proud of, bro. Outside the gym, you can brag about having eclectic musical tastes like the Afghan Whigs and the Hold Steady. But inside the gym, breh, you’re an animal and you can’t deny you primal need for some chuggy, downtuned guitars and heavy breakdowns.

Here’s our siiiiick playlist to help you slaughter your next workout. Crank it up, rack up the plates, and set off some Lunk Alarms, bruh…

Sick Of It All - “Clobberin’ Time”

Arite, first thing’s first, bro. Let’s get that testosterone pumping. You got them supplements flowing through your veins, you got a kickass black bandana and basketball jersey on, shoulder tatts showing, you’re looking fresh to death, bro. Time to let everyone in the gym know: IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME.

BANE- "Can We Start Again?"

You warmed up, bro? Good. Time to hit the bench with some BANE. Careful though, bro. It’s pretty hard to hear this song and not fingerpoint. You might not wanna have the chorus on when you’re mid-rep otherwise you might start pointing along and drop 315 pounds on your chest. (That’s how much you bench, by the way—if you count unracking the weight, lowering the bar an inch and a half and then re-racking it.)

Earth Crisis - "Firestorm"

Since you’ve loaded up the bar with every plate in the gym so that everyone has to wait on you to be finished, now seems like a good time to take 15 to 30 minutes to puff your chest out and strut around the gym. Walk over to the water fountain and fill up your shaker, weigh yourself on the scale, look up at the recap on

Sportscenter

.

Downset - "Empower"

Shit yeah, bro. You’re getting into BEAST MODE right now. In fact, whip out your iPhone, take a photo of how swole you look in the mirror, post it on Instagram, and tag it: #beastmode #gymselfie #killingit #doyouevenliftbro #gymlife #fitbros #progress #dedication #flexfriday #gymrat #chestday #shredded #determination #swoldier #gymflow #fitness #trainhard #fitlife.

Blood for Blood - "Die Laughing"

Since you’re catching a breather on Instagram anyway while other people are waiting to use the equipment, take a screengrab of the cover of this album and post that on Instagram too. If there’s anything a photo-sharing app should be used for, it’s covers of albums that people can’t listen to. Also, post a screengrab of the weather app later.

E-Town Concrete - “Time 2 Shine”

OK, so far, you’ve hit your chest with some bench press and your thumbs with some Instagramming. Time to hit those biceps, bro. Fuck yeah, E-Town Concrete. That’s what your biceps are made of, bro—concrete. Time 2 shine.

Madball - “Look My Way”

Look at that pussy doing squats in the corner. Who even does squats, bro? He’s probably into Crossfit or some shit. Fuck that garbage. You’re in cutting mode right now, bruh. You can’t be bothered with compound exercises. Isolation only.

Justin Timberlake - “Mirrors”

Shit, how the fuck did this get on there??? Your girl must’ve put it on there by accident. No way you would listen to Justin Timberlake even if he is a terrific entertainer and a triple threat as an actor, singer, and dancer. Next track.

Terror - “Suffer to Return Harder”

That’s more like it. All Terror, all day, bro. Throw some more weight on, bruh. If the bar ain’t bendin’, you’re just pretendin’. Time to put those sweet Terror mesh shorts to use.

Madball - “Show No Fear”

Right now, some dude who thinks he’s looking swoler than you is straight flexing in front of where the ladies do cardio. You gonna take that shit, bro? Fuck no. Show no fear, Madball style. (Show no fear = make a bunch of grunting sounds so everyone in the gym pays attention to you.)

Fury of Five - "Do or Die"

Oh shit, there’s your boy, Big Rob. Better go say hi to Big Rob for 20 minutes. Don’t worry if you’re using both the smith machine

and

four sets of dumbbells. People can wait. You gotta get your supersets in, bruh. Big Rob’s wearing a pretty sick TAPOUT shirt, bro. It’s not as sick as your one that says “Shut Up and Train” or the one that says “Keep Calm and Lift” but it’s still pretty sick.

All Out War - "Resist"

Dayumn, you’re looking wide as hell, bruh. Solid gains. It’d be cool if you get your height swole too, you know? But according to the Bodybuilding.com forums, 5’ 5” is a totally average height for a man so you’re good, bruh.

Throwdown - “Never Back Down”

Fuck yeah, bro. You can tell this is good just by the name of this shit. Throwdown? Fuck yeah, gonna do throw down with some weights! “Never Back Down,” Fuck no, you’re not, bro.

Unearth - "My Will Be Done"

Yo, look at that sick herb who doesn’t know how to use the dip machine. He’s sitting on it backwards, bro. Don’t help him out, just roll up your sleeves and ice grill him for a while. Get a clue, brah. It’s like, do you even watch

Pumping Iron

?

100 Demons - "Ne Desit Virtus (Never Surrender)"

You getting tired, bro? You better not be. Last set, bro. Gotta empty that tank. You didn’t pump yourself up watching all those Ronnie Coleman videos for nothing. Light weight, baby!!!

Hatebreed - “I Will Be Heard”

Arite, bro, no one likes this part of the workout but you gotta do it. Abs, bro. Just bang out like, 10 reps on the ab machine and you’re good. Don’t wanna overdo it. Plus, the crunching motion makes you look like you’re blowing a dude anyway, which is mad gay. Just finish those ten reps and hit the Muscle Milk. Cookies ‘n’ Cream is the best flavor, bro.

Dan Ozzi will spot you if you need a spot. You’re good, bro? OK, well he’ll be on Twitter if you need one - @danozzi