YO THIS DUDE STILL MAKES MONEY. HOW DOES THIS NIGGA STILL MAKE MONEY? HIS WHOLE SWAG IS "OLD WHITE GUY IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT." THIS IS DISNEY CHANNEL FIJI MUSIC. "WHAT YOU MEAN MERO?" I MEAN THIS IS THE MUSIC FOR A DISNEY CHANNEL MOVIE ABOUT A LITTLE WHITE KID THAT LOST HIS MOMS FAMILY HEIRLOOM LOCKET IN FIJI AND GOES ON A "HILARIOUS ESCAPADE!!! HAHA!!!" TO FIND THE SHIT. JIMMY YOUR NEXT ALBUM SHOULD BE ENTITLED WHITE DAD MUZIK: CHRONICLES OF THE SPORT SANDAL. NAHMEAN ONE OF THE INSTRUMENTS IN THIS NIGGA BAND IS A DUDE PLAYING THE VELCRO ON HIS TEVAS. THIS IS MUSIC FOR NIGGAS WHO WEAR WATER SHOES AND A TSHIRT IN A POOL. IF YOU'RE 55 AND WEAR WITTLE SWIMMYTIME GOGGLES TO THE BEACH THIS IS YOUR SHIT. JIMMY DID SOME STANDARDS ON SOME ACOUSTIC DAD SHIT BUT MOST OF THIS SHIT IS "AHMA DRANKIN A MAI TAI ONNA BEEEEACH MARRY MARRY CHRISSSMUUUHHHSSS"... MELE KALIKIMAGET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WORK THE COUNTER AT AN AUTO PARTS SHOP ON A DESOLATE STRETCH OF HIGHWAY. SHOUTOUT TO VICE FOR MAKING ME ABSOLUTELY DETEST EVERY ASPECT OF CHRISTMAS BY MAKING ME LISTEN TO THIS SHIT B. *THROWS THIS LITE BEER MUSIC IN THE GARBAGE*
I GIVE THIS SHIT 0 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 5 CUZ IT MAKES ME THINK OF WARM TROPICS AND I'M IN THE MISERABLE BRONX FREEZING MY DICK OFF. ALSO NEVER WANNA HEAR A STEEL DRUM EVER AGAIN.
STANDOUT TRACK: "RUN RUN RUDOLPH" CUZ I JUST READ THE TITLE AND PRETENDED IT'S A SONG ABOUT A MOB ATTACKING RUDY GIULIANI FOR MAKING EVERYTHING IN NEW YORK ILLEGAL.
The Kid Mero blogs and dispenses #KNOWLEDGEDARTS on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.