
JIM JONES DID A CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
JIM JONES DID A CHRISTMAS ALBUM B THIS IS GREAT. THIS ALBUM CONTAINS SENTENCES YOU WILL ONLY HEAR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE LIKE FOR EXAMPLE "JINGLE BELL NIGGA!" AND "BLOWIN ON THE PIFF WHILE I'M SIPPIN EGG NOG!" WHICH IMMA BE HONEST IS DISGUSTING. DRINKING ANYTHING CREAMY WHILE YOU SMOKE A BLUNT IS THE WORST B IT TRANSFORMS YOUR SALIVA INTO NICKELODEON GAK (MEMBER GAK? NO? ARE YOU 12 NIGGA?)
YO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE TERRIBLE BUT STACK BUNDLES IS ALL OVER THIS SHIT AND THAT NIGGA IS THE FUCKIN MAN. I MEAN IT'S STUPID CUZ IT'S A CHRISTMAS ALBUM BUT IT'S STILL GOOD? IT'S LIKE GETTING YOUR DICK SUCKED BY A HOOKER B YOU LOSIN CUZ YOU PAYIN FOR TOPPINGTON BUT THE BJ IS DELIVERED WITH THE PRECISION OF A PROFESSIONAL. THAT ANALOGY MADE NO SENSE BUT LAST TIME I SAID THE WORD "GAY" IN A REVIEW AND THEY EDITED IT SO I'M TRYNA SEE IF THEY'LL EDIT "BLOWJOB FROM A PROSTITUTE"...ALSO CAN I JUST SAY JIM JONES ADLIBS IS EVEN BETTER THAN HIS RHYMES? ONE OF YOU RAP INTERNET NERD NIGGAS SHOULD MAKE CD OF JIM JONES ADLIBS OVER CLASSICAL MUSIC SO I CAN GIVE IT TO PREGNANT WOMEN TO PLAY FOR THEY FETUSES IN UTERO. THAT'S A MILLION DOLLAR IDEA THAT WILL HELP YOU PAY OFF YOUR 108 MILLION STUDENT LOAN DEBT. HALFWAY THROUGH THIS, OH SHIT!! A WILD MAX B APPEARED!! YO THERE'S 10 JOINTS ON HERE AND ONLY 5 OF THEM IS CHRISTMAS JOINTS HAHA!
JIM JONES: *SMOKING COMICALLY LARGE BLUNT* YO WE FINISHED?
MANAGERIAL STAFF: UMM JIM, THERE'S ONLY 5 SONGS HERE...
JIM JONES: SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGGA PUT THESE JOINTS ON THERE *THROWS CD, CONTINUES SMOKING GIANT BLUNT*
THANK GOD FOR THIS REPRIEVE FROM TERRIBLE CHRISTMAS ALBUMS B. I WAS ABOUT TO BOYCOTT THIS SHIT AND CELEBRATE HANNUKWANZAA. YO I RECOMMEND YOU SNEAK THIS INTO YOUR OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY PLAYLIST AFTER EVERYBODY GETS DRUNK. (I AM NOT RESPOSIBLE FOR YOUR UNWAVY BOSS GIVING YOU A WRITE UP THOUGH)
I GIVE THIS 5 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE MAX B
STANDOUT TRACK: "WE GET MONEY," BECAUSE MAX B.
-
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
-
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
-
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
-
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
-
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
-
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
-
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
-
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
-
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
-
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
Comments