It's Christmas time. Again. For one month out of the year we all have listen to a special genre of music, and that's Christmas music. Most Christmas songs suck, because writing good music is hard and Christmas songs are inherently more difficult to write because there are way more rules to them. While everyone knows that the best Christmas song is actually about Hanukkah and it's by Adam Sandler, there is a veritable shit-ton of good Christmas songs to be found within the realm of pop-punk. If I had to guess why this was, it's probably that writing a good pop-punk song involves sticking to a very specific formula, so sticking to the Christmas song formula wasn't that hard. So without further adieu, here are ten hella-good pop-punk Christmas songs. Happy holidays, you bastard.
For the record, a band is "pop-punk" if they could feasibly wear checkered Vans. This means that Crass's "Merry Crassmas" is not a pop-punk song, but any Christmas song by Lil Wayne automatically is. Lil Wayne wears checkered Vans. Therefore, Lil Wayne is pop punk. That's just logic.
Jimmy Eat World - "Last Christmas"
The Wham! version is original and way better, but if there's one thing I've learned in my 23 years on this earth it's that George Michael is not pop-punk. But Jimmy Eat World is pop-punk as fuck.
From First To Last - "Christmassacre"
It will never be not funny that Skrillex was once in a progressive hardcore band. Even though it features honest-to-gosh blast beats, this song counts as pop-punk because of the Checkered Vans Corollary that I outlined in the intro to this list.
The Ramones - "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)"
The Ramones are the one exception to the Checkered Vans Corollary, because they basically invented pop-punk. This one gets bonus points because of its music video.
No Doubt - "Oi To The World"
There was once a time when the idea of No Doubt covering The Vandals' Christmas song about rude boys was not only not laughable, but totally an awesomely great idea. Fortunately, No Doubt recorded this in 1996.
Rancid - "Christmas Eve"
This is one of those rare Christmas songs that you could listen to casually in, like, June and it wouldn't be that weird. This is because Rancid rules.
MXPX - "Christmas Day CPMV"
It's flabbergasting that MXPX has been putting out one Christmas song per year for what seems like perpetuity, yet never thought to release then in a compilation entitled MXPX-mas.
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes - "Hava Nagila"
I guess the real question here is why wouldn't Me First And The Gimme Gimmes cover "Hava Nagila" to the tune of "Feliz Navidad" live? The banter after this one rules.
SKAyway - "Jingle Bells"
This was sent to me by my coworker Harry, because Harry likes really weird shit.
The Used - "Alone This Holiday"
You didn't need me to tell you that The Used recently made a quasi-dubstep album for you to know it to be true. Also, you didn't need me to tell you that Bert McCracken of The Used and Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance for you to know that to be true either.
My Chemical Romance - "All I Want For Christmas Is You"
In addition to being Bert McCracken's erstwhile makeout partner, Gerard Way's got some motherfucking pipes. It's weirdly impressive to listen to Way go from smokily soulful to strangled-cat shriek in the span of like ten seconds. All I want for Christmas is this song on a seven-inch with The Used Christmas song on the b-side.
Weezer - "The Christmas Song"
I just realized the funniest thing about Christmas songs is that I bet a lot of them are recorded in June or something. This song kind of sucks, but then again so do most other Weezer songs that were recorded after Pinkerton.
Fall Out Boy - "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out"
Fall Out Boy always had top-tier puns in their song titles, and so when it came time to write a really angry Christmas song, obviously they would give it the best title ever. This song is really dark for some reason.
Blink 182 - "Won't Be Home For Christmas"
This is probably the only song on this list that features a breakdown that Harry Fraud could feasibly sample. In twenty years, we will all use words like "seminal" to describe Blink 182's influence on dudes like Wavves, and it will make really old people sad.
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Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
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Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
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Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
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Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
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Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
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R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
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The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
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I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
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Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
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Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
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