Coachella has just announced that they’ll be ditching their Indio desert dwelling this winter for a luxury cruise experience. This is amazing, because picturing James Murphy attempting to get through a DJ set on the open sea is immediately hilarious. I just really like the idea of Coachella becoming more and more like Disney World vacation resort, which got me thinking: what other expensive vacation initiatives could Coachella expand out to? Where could their brand go? I came up with some really dumb ideas.
COACHELLA AFRICAN SAFARI
I mean, this is probably the most obvious answer. You ship a few thousand disaffected, fashionable people out to the middle of the Sahara, where they camp, hunt, and travel in a giant zebra-print bus. Just imagine how radical that Girl Talk set would be in the middle of an inter-species watering hole? It’d also be really funny to see all the Westerners trying their best to not look uncomfortable.
COACHELLA ARCTIC ADVENTURE
Kinda like the cruise, except instead of the Bahamas, you end up at the North Pole. You get to see Hot Chip perform in full Eskimo gear and at least three people die. This would be cool because, if things go wrong, there’s a chance you’d have to eat other people, which would be the most hardcore concert story ever. Also, there's the potential to discover the burgeoning Greenland indie-rock scene.
COACHELLA AUSTRALIAN WALKABOUT
I guess this would be more suited for Bonnaroo, because that’s generally the primary festival for dreadlocked, pseudo-spiritual white dudes, which is basically the target demographic of people who’d willingly go on a walkabout. But if Coachella put a Phish triple-set at the end of an ancient, shamanistic quest for existential fulfillment, they’d make so much goddamn money.
COACHELLA MARS EXPEDITION
Since the space program still doesn’t have the balls to send people to Mars, we’ll have to rely on an arrogant, multi-million dollar organization to push mankind deeper into the final frontier. The hardest part about this would be finding the bands dumb enough to play a show in space, but you just know The Flaming Lips would be so down.
COACHELLA MURDER MYSTERY PARTY
Okay, so this isn’t a vacation, but if you spent money to watch Pulp play a fancy velvet party, and then—halfway through—Jarvis Cocker gets murdered, and then you spent the rest of the night snooping around your fellow concert-goers, I would totally, unironically be down.
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.