The Noisey Guide to Swizz Beatz Ad-Libs

Sometimes when I listen to music from the early aughts, I find myself thinking, "Damn, this artist could've become so much better if only they had decided to invent their own ad-libs before using them to a degree that teeters on grating!" Nowadays, catchy ad-libs are as necessary to a new rapper's success as having a living, breathing DJ was in the early 90s. Ad-libbing is a fairly new occurrence and, as with most trends that have been recycled to be cool again for 2013, it originated from Dipset. Jim Jones was the renaissance man of ad-libs, using them to create his own call-and-response system with his 'libs acting more like audio annotations than space-fillers. Shortly after, Young Jeezy ran in the complete opposite direction with dumbing his ad-libs down to one word and mixing them with a healthy dose of noises and grunts to distract the listener from the fact that he was ending most of his bars with the same word and playing it off as a punchline that you could only "get" if you've ever injured your wrist from a dope-boy related incident. Finally, we have Rick Ross, who dumbed the ad-lib game down even further by making it as guttural and monosyllabic as possible, proving Jeff Weiss right once again as he became the third and therefore most successful person to pick up on the trend.

But the Godfather of ad-libs, the man most notorious for inserting himself into every popular song to have been released within the last seven years and leveraging that success to become the creative director for everything you kind-of-want, has perfected the ad-lib game. I'm talking about Swizz Beatz, a true American hero and an inspiration to us all. Not just for managing to marry Alicia Keys, but for finding an ingenious way to receive a writer credit on every song he's on by doing the bare minimum amount of work. Most recently, Swizz has found a way to sneak onto Jay-Z's “Open Letter” to the media by informing us that we “GON LEARN TODAY!!!” and in turn, causing this writer to rank nine of his best (worst?) ad-libs. Full disclosure, I'm counting an ad-lib as something that takes place within a song, not in the introduction to said song, which is why you will not see "SHOWTIME" nor "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN" on the list.

ULTRA

This is a pretty neat ad-lib because of both how often it's used in the song and how it's never used again afterwards. It's clear that Swizz wanted "Ultra" to be a thing so badly that he was willing to force it on us in the form of a repetitive chorus but Jay's #powermove of never letting the song escape the internets put a damper on that plan.

G-G-G-GO-HEAD

Sometimes an ad-lib is great in spite of itself, as was the case with Drake’s “Fancy.” Employing Swizz Beatz to run the chorus of your song guarantees you're in for his phrase du-jour sprinkled liberally which, in this case detailed all the items one must have “did” to be considered fancy, huh? But the “g-g-g-go head” is instrumental in both starting the song off at a party tempo, as well as helping it transition it to the underwater sea-castle-vibe that Drake invites you to swim to for the second half.

LIGHA IN THE AIR

Swizz has a tendency for asking you to put things in the air. Most recently it was when he asked us to put one hand/middle finger up there for Kanye, but before that there were lighters. It makes sense that this was one of Swizzy's earlier ad-libs, as it's at least 3 times longer than most of his earlier work and is actually a sensible command if you're watching the Ruff Ryderz and/or Phish. I'm still waiting on the command to put my touchscreen/smartphone in the air though.

GATDAMMIT

This may be the perfect ad-lib in terms of branding and ease of use. Gatdammit could easily slip into the average listener's lexicon without them knowing it until they accidentally purchase some Reebok shoes, upon which they let loose a loud "gatdammit" from the inside of a footlocker. It's almost like being one of the secret cylons in Battlestar Galactica, but also a douchebag.

FREEZE!

Remember playing freeze tag with your friends at recess? Remember how much fun it was to never be allowed to play because of your frail and malnourished frame, causing you to stay indoors and work on your production skills in the hopes that one day, your rapping cousin would call on you? Remember how you said you would make your enemies pay by making them watch you get inexplicably successful? FREEZE!

LET’S WERK!

“Let’s Werk” is just one letter away from “let’s twerk,” which makes Swizzy both a trendsetter and cements his reputation as a man of the people, employing them to grind their hardest with the expectation that they can work their way the same level of success he’s attained. Come to think of it, Swizz is the closest thing we currently have to an Orwellian Big-Brother figure, except instead of a Two Minute Hate we receive a Three Minute Motivation. Albeit with slightly more EDM infusion.

RIIIIIIIHT

As an artist, one of the worst members you could have on your team is a yes-man. However, as a non-artist, becoming a yes-man is the best way to make some money and tour the world while receiving groupie run-off. With his “RIIHT” ad-lib, Swizz plays the part of the affirmer throughout the song. If he’s working with someone else, it’s a boost to their ego; if it’s his own song, the constant pats on the back lead to a feeling of indestructability which in turn, lead to marrying Alicia Keys. My point is, if you’re ever feeling down-in-the-dumps, just pay someone to walk around with you while repeating “RIIHT” and it will all get better.

Y’ALL GON LEARN TODAY

Ad-libs generally are not purposely funny. But neither is Kevin Hart, so in the mind of Swizz it would make perfect sense that he would marry both of them into a new way of irritating the masses. More of a threat than a promise, “Ya’ll Gon Learn Today” is sprinkled throughout Jay-Z’s Open Letter, making what could’ve been a good song into just a mediocre one. If there’s anything you can learn from Swizz Beatz, it’s how to double-dip and receive both a producer and a writer credit for the same song.

VROOM VROOM

Fuck. Yes. Engine. Noises. The only thing that literally everyone can sing-along to is onomonapetic phrases, which is the only thing keeping Big Sean’s career afloat. I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall during the making of “Start It Up. “This song is going to have a lot of metaphors about cars” “HOLY SHIT DID YOU GUYS KNOW CARS GO ‘VROOM VROOM’?!?!” “Yes Swizz we knew th..” “VROOM-VROOM-VROOOOOOM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!”

Slava Pastuk tweets exclusively in ad-libs. Find out for yourself - @SlavaP