Reviews

The National's 'Trouble Will Find Me' Is Musical Ambien

CAPS LOCK REVIEWS

By The Kid Mero

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*SWAYS GENTLY BACK AND FORTH WHILE HOLDING HANDS WITH WES ANDERSON*

MAN I HATE THIS TYPE OF SHIT B. THIS IS CLOSING SCENE ASS MUSIC B. THIS IS FOR WHEN THE "MALE LEAD" LEAVES JENNIFER ANISTON AND SHE'S SIFTING THROUGH HER JUNK DRAWER AND FINDS A CRINKLY OLD PHOTO OF HER AND "MALE LEAD" B. THEN THEY SWITCH TO "MALE LEAD" SITTING IN HIS CAR AND HE SEES A USED CONDOM ON THE FLOOR FROM WHEN HE SMASHED JEN IN THE WHIP. A SINGLE TEAR ROLLS DOWN HIS RUGGED CHEEK. GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE B.

GOD THIS IS SO FUCKIN' BORING B. THIS IS MUSIC FOR NIGGAS WHO WEAR TOMS TO HAVE AWKWARD SEX TO. HOW MANY INDIE FILMS HAVE THESE NIGGAS SCORED? I BET YOU IT'S 809 TIMES MORE THAN THE AMOUNT OF TIMES THEY HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN THAT DID NOT HAVE GLASSES.

YO I ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP LISTENING TO THIS I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING B. HALFWAY THROUGH THE REVIEW I PASSED OUT WITH MY LAPTOP ON MY DICK. I ONLY WOKE UP CUZ THE HEAT RADIATING ON MY BALLS WAS TOO INTENSE. THERE WAS A 49 MINUTE GAP BETWEEN THIS PARAGRAPH AND THE ONE THAT PRECEDED IT. FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT KEEP UP WITH MY LIFE I'M BOUT TO WELCOME MERO VERSION 3.0 INTO THE WORLD AND I WAS UP ALL LAST NIGHT WITH MERO 2.0 SO I WAS TIRED TO BEGIN WITH AND THEN I PUT THIS AUDIO COUGH SYRUP ON AND IT WAS A FUCKING WRAP. HOW DO THESE NIGGAS NOT ALL SUFFER FROM NARCOLEPSY?

NOW I KNOW WHY WHITE PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES AT ALARMING RATES B. CUZ THEY LISTEN TO SHIT LIKE THIS. THIS SHIT IS SO DEPRESSING IT COULD MAKE YOU KILL YOURSELF OVER SOME BULLSHIT. NAHMEAN LIKE IF I WENT TO WENDY'S AND ORDERED A CHICKEN SANDWICH AND NIGGAS DIDNT PUT PICKLES ON IT LIKE I SPECIFICALLY FUCKIN ASKED FOR AND THIS WAS IN MY CD CHANGER? I'D PROBABLY DRIVE RIGHT OFF THE OVERPASS BY MY CRIB B BLARING THIS SHIT AND SOBBING ON THE WAY DOWN UNTIL MY CAR ANTICLIMACTICALLY HIT THE GROUND. I SAY ANTICLIMACTICALLY CUZ IN MOVIES WHEN A CAR FALLS OFF A CLIFF THAT SHIT EXPLODES INTO OD FLAMES. THAT SHIT DON'T HAPPEN IN REAL LIfE B CARS FALLING OFF REAL CLIFFS IN REAL LIFE IS BORING AS FUCK TO WATCH. WHICH IS A PARALLEL FOR THIS MUSICAL AMBIEN. I THINK THAT'S HOW IMA TIE THIS REVIEW TOGETHER.

YO MY BIRTHDAY WAS YESTERDAY SO IF YOU DON'T WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE COMMENTS YOU'RE A COWARD B. ALSO I WAS AT SOME LIVE SPEAKING EVENT THE OTHER DAY CALLED "IRL CLUB" (SHOUTS TO ADRIAN CHEN) AND I FUCKIN KILLED IT SO I'M PROLLY GONNA BE ON YOUR CAMPUS IN THE NEAR FUTURE GETTING PAID TO SAY "NIGGA" ALOT AND PUNCTUATE MY KNOWLEDGEDARTS STATEMENTS WITH "B." SHOUTOUT TO MY EXTENDED MANAGERIAL STAFF. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO ANTONY SANTOS FOR MAKING OUTSTANDING TIMELESS BACHATA MUSIC.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 4 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE  IF YOU NEED TO IMMOLATE YOURSELF THERE IS NOT NOTHING ON EARTH BETTER THAN THIS TO DO IT TO. IF YOU ARE A NORMAL HUMAN THAT ENJOYS BEING ALIVE I GIVE THIS SHIT A 1 PILE OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5.

STANDOUT TRACK: YO TRAGEDY KHADAFI'S VERSE ON "PAROLE VIOLATORS" IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE OF VIOLENCE B. I SUGGEST YOU GO LISTEN TO THAT SONG RIGHT NOW AND FOLLOW IT UP WITH JADAKISS' "BLOOD PRESSURE." NAHMEAN UNLIKE THIS ALBUM THAT SHIT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO HOMICIDE ANOTHER NIGGA INSTEAD OF YOURSELF.

 

The Kid Mero is a noted distributor of #KNOWLEDGEDARTS. He's on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO

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