Annotations Of An Autopsy - "Welcome To Sludge City"
There’s a certain section of metal music that is comprised of fat guys making the sound of a pig squealing over some chugging down-tuned guitars. Annotations of an Autopsy is one of those bands, and perhaps nothing embodies their sheer putrid, mental defection and sexual violence than "Welcome To Sludge City." Opening with the refrain of "She bled from every fucking hole," it’s a sinister wall of noise with near enough no decipherable lyrics. Incomprehensible and piggish violent noise? Sounds like my ex-wife! ZING!
BEST LINE: "When I’m done with you, you won’t have a cunt left"
Necro - "Who's Your Daddy"
Technically proficient yet perhaps a little post-watershed, death rap’s king, Necro, released his filthy, sexist, and quite compelling album The Sexorcist in 2005. On it is this absolute gem, "Who’s Ya Daddy?" A lush instrumental forged from The Zombies' "Time of The Season" is (almost literally) spat on by Necro, who talks about raping a girl with a gun in her mouth whilst choking her because "it makes (you) come"... ~romance~.
BEST LINE: "Ridiculous pussy lips, I predicted you’d be addicted to my dick once you licked it."
Anal Cunt - "Haha, Your Wife Left You"
Whilst bands like Annotations... had more of a traditional structure to their songs, the late Seth Putnam and his grindcore noise band Anal Cunt’s songs were rarely more than a minute long, and were short bursts of what we imagine murderous rage sounds like. They released 11 albums of about 30-50 tracks each before Putnam’s passing, one of which was Picnic Of Love, a satirical LP of lame love songs like "I Respect Your Feelings as a Woman and a Human" and "Waterfall Wishes." I implore you to look at the Wiki of A.C’s discography—it’s funnier than those shit flowers you bought, idiot.
Cannibal Corpse - "Meat Hook Sodomy"
We could hardly leave these funsters off the list, could we? Causing a stir among concerned parents in the ‘90s, Cannibal Corpse’s graphic lyrics and ghost-train-for-serial-disemboweler-style album covers became synonymous with death metal. They were the poster boys for ultra aggressive moshpit fodder, the thick neck of singer George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher being a pillar of all things "metol \m/" Meat Hook Sodomy is a prime example of their traditional wholesome subject matter, and the lyrics read like an emo kids angry letter to GHD after his straighteners broke.
BEST LINE: "Razor sharp hooks implanted in your rectum, Splitting bodies, spilling guts on the ground."
Natasha Bedingfield: "I Wanna Have Your Babies"
What even is this? Whose idea was this? Can you imagine anything more skin-crawlingly unsexy than someone telling you they want you to infect them with your seed? Or worm their way through your canals to your precious eggs? What a horrendous prospect to drop on someone. Needless to say this was last "big" thing we in the UK heard from Bedingfield, as this pregnancy request didn’t exactly strike a chord with listeners. Does she even know how harrowing the pain of childbirth is and what the many implications of bringing a child into your life are? DOES SHE?
BEST LINE: "What if you knew what I was thinking, would it make you like WOAAAHHHHH"
2013: A Year In Which Some Music Happened
A year’s art starts on Day One of the new year. If we don’t quantify it somehow by December, who are we as a people and what is our worth?
If R. Kelly Makes Us So Uncomfortable, Why Do We Keep Listening?
This is art we're talking about, and it's as real as you allow it to be.
Britney Spears: Capitalism's Last Stand
At last, the Queen has found her domain.
The Real Rick Ross Stands Up
We met with the ex-crack kingpin, who told us stories from his drug dealing days and gave us an exclusive excerpt from his upcoming autobiography.
Sorry, Dudes. The Ladies Won Punk This Year.
These are the women who kicked a particularly large amount of ass in 2013.
2013: The Most OK Year Ever
Kitty Pryde reflects on her sort of shitty, sort of amazing 2013.
Cam'ron is Still Harlem's Diplomat
We met with the Golden Boy and spoke wi
YG: Krazy, Sexy, Kool
As he readies his debut studio album, the Cali rapper talks about just how krazy his life is.
When Kellz Freezes Over
We flew down to Atlanta to interview R. Kelly. Like everything in the world of Kellz, nothing went as planned, but it still felt right.
Frank Turner Dragged Me to the Weirdest Show I've Ever Been to
Sometimes you end up at interactive dance parties in Brooklyn basements with cat people.