[Editor's Note: About a week ago our reviews editor THE KID MERO wrote a review of The Story of the Wild Ones, which is an album by a band called Black Veil Brides. If you're unaware, Black Veil Brides are a group of teenagers from L.A. who look like a combination of Mötley Crüe, My Chemical Romance and the Sale rack at Hot Topic circa 2009. Their music takes every terrible cliché about post-hardcore and combines it with lyrics that read like they were written by a sentient Xanga. As you can see above, they got their corpsepaint-stained hands on his review and posted a link to it on their Facebook. Thousands of screamo-enthusiast hate-clicks later, we gave Mero the funniest angry responses and asked him to make fun of them. He kindly obliged.]
LOL SHE SAID "APPENDING" APOCALYPSE. YOU GONNA ATTACH AN APOCALYPSE TO ME MA? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B. *DOES A CARTWHEEL INTO A FLYING LIU KANG KICK INTO YOU SOLAR PLEXUS*
BRUH THIS DUDE DEREK NATHANIEL WILLIAMS MADE AN ASTOUNDINGLY RIDICULOUS YOUTUBE VIDEO COMIN AT MY NECK WITH THE TYPE OF VITRIOL THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM A DUDE WHO MASTURBATES UNTIL HE INJURES HIMSELF B. THE HIGHLIGHTS (LOWLIGHTS) WAS THIS FRAIL ANIME NERD NIGGA REMOVING HIS SHIRT AND CALLING ME "MERO STREEP." LOOK AT THIS DUDE THOUGH. HE DEFINITELY ORDERS NINJA STARS FROM THE BACK OF MAXIM OR SOME SHIT AND THROWS THEM SHITS AT THE TREE IN HIS BACKYARD WILL HE SAYS SHIT LIKE "SHINJOKU! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MY KAMEHA CHIN SHUKU!! NARUTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" *AWKWARD JUMP KICK*
MY REVIEW RUINED YOUR NIGHT?? YOU KNOW WHAT A SUCKER YOU GOTTA BE TO GET MAD WHEN SOMEONE DISSES AN ARTIST YOU LIKE? PRODIGY IS MY FAVORITE RAPPER EVER AND YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT NIGGA GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACIAL? OD TIMES. I WILL NOT REFUTE THIS AND IF A NIGGA WROTE AN ARTICLE CALLED "P GOT DUFFED OUT OD TIMES" I WOULD PROLLY CHUCKLE AND NOT BE UPSET. I LIKE WHEN WHITE GIRLS SAY NIGGA THOUGH IT'S ENDEARING.
IT'S IRONICAL THAT YOU CALLIN ME A LONELY VIRGIN WHEN YOUR FAVORITE BAND CD IS IN THE "LONELY VIRGIN" SECTION OF YOUR LOCAL RECORD STORE. I WISH I LIVED IN MY MOM'S BASEMENT CUZ THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY RENT AND DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES TO FIND A PARKING SPOT & SHIT LIKE THAT. ALSO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HEAR THE OLD PUERTO RICAN HOOKER DOWNSTAIRS PRETENDING TO ENJOY BEING PIPED BY OLD MEN WITH WRINKLY DILZES.
GOOD LOOKS MY NIGGA I COULD RIP ON THESE NIGGAS FOR DAYS B THEY LOOK LIKE WHAT 11 YEAR OLDS THINK IS "BADASS" AND THAT IS THE ONLY TIME I WILL EVER USE THAT WORD.
THE KID MERO runs our Reviews section and never thought he would make the Internet mad like this. He's on Twitter, too - @THEKIDMERO
-
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
-
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
-
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
-
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
-
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
-
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
-
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
-
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
-
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
-
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
NOW PLAYING ON YOUTUBE
Comments