The Dillinger Escape Plan's Guide to Touring
From Black Rock City to Bangkok, Bratislava or Bogota, touring should always be a social experiment. You’re a pirate, Sherpa, and shaman, and you’ll encounter Buddhas, demons, when-in-Romans, and transsexual day-walkers moonlighting as each other. Wherever you go, there you are, so you’ll need the right tools to propel yourself beyond pedestrian norms and cultural faux pas. “Safety First” should be your second priority.
Here's a handy guide on how to hit that old highway strip.
FIRE WATER MAKE TONTO ANGRY
You’ve come a long way from wherever you started. Go treat yourself to an adult beverage at a local watering hole and bring your sense of humor to be enjoyed responsibly by those around you. In my experience, nothing melts the proverbial ice between total strangers like tactless and subjectively tasteless jokes. In the off-chance someone gets offended by your bleak humor, just let ‘em know its okay because your childhood best friend is a homophobic mentally handicapped minority racist.
Once you’re sauced on whatever fire water the locals are rationing you should start preparing a buzz-tailored alter-ego, fake name, and disguise. Sometimes out-crazying the crazies is the best defense against potential mishaps.
When things get really awkward, excusing yourself to “break the seal” brings us to our next challenge of life on the road. No matter where you are, it’ll always seem like the venues you bounce between just so happen to be blessed with the worst toilets—assuming they even resemble toilets—so just keep an open mind and your bowels will follow.
Last but not least, remember, it’s not who you know, it's who knows you. So aim to make friends and try new things… at least twice.
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