On the occasion of the release of epicurious emcee Action Bronson's Rare Chandeliers tape with Alchemist, here's ten great food moments in rap history:
"Real G's move in silence like lasagna"
Lil Wayne - "6 Foot 7 Foot"
Maybe the cleverest line to make mainstream rap radio since Cassidy sold Raid to a bug on "I'm A Hustler" but still pretty stupid. But, y'know, awesomely stupid.
"In a six but it's a BM and it's Pepsi Blue"
Jadakiss - "Time's Up"
One of those great lines that dates itself. Side note: everyone in The Lox raps their ass off but Jada's secret weapon is that he knows a lot of obscure terms for boring colors. I don't know if he's ever pulled up in an ecru whip, but if anyone would it would be him. He's like a tasteful Young Dro.
The Cooking Dance
Lil B, circa 2010
Let's not forget, Diddy made an imaginary omelet on stage at SXSW with the Pretty Bitch himself last year. If you're really advanced, you get to farm. Let that boy cook!
"We eat so many shrimp I got iodine poisoning"
Pimp C - Three 6 Mafia's "Sippin On Some Syrup"
Yo picture Pimp and Bun laid up in a hotel room high fiving each other as they take turns in the bathroom. They ball so hard they got the shits. The illest case of self-inflicted seafood illness ever (hat tip to when Stormy ate the Shrabster though).
Kanye West makes pasta on Chapelle's Show
Common - "The Food"
While Common performed "The Food" in a kitchen, Kanye made pasta while wearing a Louis Vuitton backpack (This was back when Kanye was still a refreshingly honest weirdo.)
"I get head, I bust nuts and eat steak"
Rick Ross - "Blow"
Long before he was rhapsodizing about lobster tails over Mahavishnu Orchestra album cuts, Rozay was on some more focused hedonism. Like dude is just lying in bed butt naked getting neck while sawing away at a butterfly-cut filet.
"... poured a glass of 7-Up and ate a quick snack, Salami and swiss, piled on a Ritz crack"
Mac Dre - "Something You Should Know"
Something about Mac Dre eating a light snack cracks me up. So arbitrary!
"Where's your plate? Where's your lobster? Where's your sea bass?"
Gunplay - Maybach Music Group's "Power Circle"
Don Logan knows you do not have a seat at the Round Table and thus will not be dining with him in the circle of power. Don Logan may not know that "Chilean Sea Bass" is a friendlier name for the Patagonian Toothfish, which is way too scary for haute cuisine (But it's not actually a bass fish.)
"Somebody bring the potato salad"
DJ Quik - "Pitch In On A Party"
The second verse of this summer time party anthem is when the cops show up, nobody invited any girls and Quik has to hide all his liquor so nobody steals it. But at least there's potato salad.
"Born sinner/Opposite of a winner/Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner"
Notorious B.I.G. - "Juicy"
I actually ride for sardines and other types of small, bite-sized fish. They're cheap and surprisingly nutritious--lots of protein, low in carbs.
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.