The Infamous Marmot Biggie - An InvestigationBy Lakutis
If you're not one of the many people left homeless in America from what's been happening in the past couple of years, you probably still spend your every waking moment on the Internet shopping for shit you dont need. That's what I started doing early this winter when I was searching for the Marmot Mammoth, the jacket that the kids call the Biggie. The Biggie has enjoyed some less-than-flattering press in the past year or two when twice in the news kids in the Bronx were killed over their big-ass jackets. Then a couple weeks ago, another kid was in the Post for getting murked over his Biggie in the LES. Black kids get killed all the time in New York City and that shit is rarely in the news, but I guess when the media sees a chance to paint minority children as savages who care more about a status symbol that human life which, (let's be clear) is what we all are, their collective long-dead genitals start to stir.
If you didn't grow up Uptown or in the Bronx and you've never heard of this thing, it's not a big surprise. I grew up not even realizing the Biggie was even so regional and hadn't thought about Marmots in years until I started seeing a resurgence on the 1 Train of kids rocking their big-ass, bright-ass Merms. So, to fill the rest of you in, part of the mystique of the Biggie is that it comes in really bright colors (different ones every year), is sold exclusively through Paragon Sports, and retails for $630. That's right, six hundred and thirty fucking dollars. I copped the black one with gold on the inside, but now I feel weird rocking it unless I'm wearing some shoes I know I can run really fast in.
There's a lot of wild shit you can find on the Internet about this motherfucker if you have problems sleeping and nothing fucking better to do. For one, there's the "Reviews" section on the Paragon page, which will have a dude from Upstate being like, "I love this jacket. I wear it to all my son's soccer games!" and then someone named Yung Stone from 119th and Lexington who wrote TWO SEPERATE REVIEWS (you can tell he didn't just double-post because they're worded differently) talking about how he hopes they come out with electric blue to match the foamposites. Also pretty much every review is from a New Yorker telling you that if you're from New York you shouldn't cop one or you will be robbed.
On YouTube there's a dude from Washington Heights named Alacka Simon who's got a song over the "On to the Next One" beat called, ready? "On to the Next Biggie." At one point he's wearing TWO yellow Biggies at the same time (I see you baby). Also theres a video called "Vado Going Ham in a Blue Biggie" which is... something.
There's also a very confusing Facebook page dedicated to the Biggie where people seem to be trading mostly Biggies, Montclers, and Pelle Pelles. Half of these guys exclude crucial information like size or color; I got frustrated just imagining trying to coordinate any kind of real transaction with any one of these individuals.
Anyways the important thing I took away from all this is if I ever feel like I just can't take it anymore I can just put on my Biggie and come out the house with my iPad playing a GIF of hands throwing up gang signs and I'll be sure to promptly explode in a whirlwind of blood and goose down, and in the end isn't that what we all really want? Good night.
Lakutis is a male rapper. He's on Twitter - @LAKUTIS
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.