Reviews

Styles P's 'Float' Has Kinda Shitty Beats But Styles Is Still the Hardest Rapper Out (Pause)

CAPS LOCK REVIEWS

By The Kid Mero

0

YO MAN I WAS REALLY PREPARED TO GIVE THIS SHIT AN AUTOMATIC 5 CUZ STYLES P IS THE HARDEST RAPPER OUT (PAUSE). ALSO THE VIDEO OF A NIGGA THROWING A DURAG AT HIM IS THE BEST MOST FUNNIEST SHIT ON YOUTUBE EVER. EVEN FUNNIER THAN THE LEPRECHAUN REMIX AND THE TARZAN DOLL THAT JERKS ILLZ AND SCREAMS.

BUT THIS SHIT IS PRODUCED ENTIRELY BY SCRAM JONES B. IS THIS A MIXTAPE? I'M USUALLY A PROPONENT OF NIGGAS HAVING ONE PRODUCER PRODUCE A WHOLE PROJECT BECAUSE "THE SONIC BACKDROPS UTILIZED BY THE HIPHOP WORDSMITH HAVE A HIGHER LEVEL OF COHESION DUE TO THE PRODUCTION HAVING A DISTINCT SOUND" THAT'S FUCKFACE JOURNALISM COCKSMITH TERMS WHICH IN MERO TERMS IS "THIS NIGGA USED ONE PRODUCER SO THE SHIT SOUND BETTER" IN THIS CASE I'M NOT BLOWN AWAY BY THESE BEATS MY NIGGA THESE ARE THE "TWO CHEESEBURGERS" MEAL AT MCDONALDS WHEN WHAT I REALLY NEED IS THAT DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER (PAUSE) WITH EXTRA PICKLES (WILD PAUSE). SCRAM JONES GOT SOME BANGERS BUT HE ALSO HAS A LARGE AMOUNT OF STRAIGHT AUDIO VERSIONS OF GOING OUT AND DANCING WITH A DOPE CHICK ALL NIGHT BUT WATCHING HER LEAVE WITH SOME NIGGA THAT WEARS SUNGLASSES INDOORS AT NIGHT AND YOU HAVE TO RESORT TO THE FAT GIRL THAT YOU'VE BEEN AMBIGUOUS WITH VIA TEXT ALL NIGHT JUST IN CASE. STRUG.BIZ TYPE SHIT MY NIGGA.

SO BASICALLY STYLES P IS STYLES P ON THIS SHIT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GONNA GET THIS NIGGA IS GONNA EXPLAIN IN VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD LANGUAGE HOW HE'S GONNA USE A FIREARM TO MAKE YOUR BRAIN GO OUTSIDE YOUR CRANIAL. OH I JUST REALIZED WHY I'M NOT REALLY FUCKING WITH THIS PRODUCTION. ON HIS OTHER TAPES HE JUST PICKS THE BEST BEATS TO RAP OVER AND IT BE LIKE THE BEST OF THE BEST, DON'T BELIEVE ME? LISTEN TO THE GHOST IN THE MACHINE AND POINT OUT A WACK BEAT. YOU CAN'T, SAME SHIT WITH HIS OLDER TAPES. THERE'S A COUPLE WACK BEATS ON HERE PANERO, SHIT IS KINDA A BUMMER. YOU STILL MY NIGGA THO HARDEST OUT!! (PAUSE)

I GIVE THIS SHIT 3.75 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE YOU CANT GIVE STYLES ANYTHING LESS THAN A 3/5. EVEN IF THE NIGGA DID A MUSICAL COMEDY ALBUM FEATURING MARILYN MANSON JERKING ILLZES AND KATHY GRIFFIN DOING SKITS I WOULD GIVE THE NIGGA A 3. SCRAM FUCKED THIS UP.

STANDOUT TRACK: "BODIES IN THE BASEMENT" AND "RED EYE" ARE REALLY GOOD. "RECKLESS" WOULDA BEEN FAR AND AWAY THE BEST JOINT ON HERE BUT APPARENTLY SOMEBODY WAS LIKE "YOOO! SCRAM! YOU KNOW WHAT BE DOPE! IF YOU SAMPLE THE FLASH GORDON THEME SONG AND PUT TERRIBLE STUTTERY DRUMS ON THE SHIT!! OH AND YO ALSO MAD AWKWARD SCRATCHING!"

 

The Kid Mero is speaking tomorrow at Public Assembly along with a bunch of other Internet people. He's also on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO

Comments

Let's Be Friends