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Imagen If @Seinfeld2000 Made a List of the Top 20 Albums of 2013 By "Seinfeld" Characters

Objectively Correct Lists

By @Seinfeld2000

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Hey whats up! @seinfeld2000 here, LOL.

So the other day, i just got to thinking: what if the TV show ‘Sinefeld’ was still on TV in modarn day? You know, like for example, imagen what if there was an epsode where Krame sneak on to James Cameren’s mini submerine when he voyage to the bottom of the Mariana Tranch, but then Kremer try to make a penut butter sanwich on the submerine but James Cameren FREAK OUT just like “Krame theres no room this sub for you and youre penut butter sanwiches ITS SUPOSED TO BE FOR ONLY ONE PERSEN!!!” And clasic Krame is just go “gidyap.” That would be prety modarn.

K, so then I got to imagining some more, and in my mind I was just like “what if every character who was ever in Sienfeld made an album in 2013?” Honestly this idea was prety titilating to me and so it lead me to think, “What if I created a list of the top 20 imagenary albems by characters from Senfeld.” Then I shot an email to Drew who is my editer to that efect and he imediately shot back an email that said some thing like “for sure @seinfeld2000, this sound greate. I have complete faith in you and respect and trust you so much, more than anyone in my life and i KNOW your just gona simply CRUSH this article!!!! ps Did you see Best Men Holidays yet”

Then what hapened was that I wrote the article and Drew publish it on this webste, and you clicked on it and now your reading it, thank you so much. Plese dont stop reading, I know my speling isnt the gretest but i promise you its gona be prety halarious if you keep reading. No presure. If you have other stuff to do like you have to go prapare a scrambled egg for your 4 year old, you can defenitely go do that and come back, im not going anywhere. I know your busy. I know your a busy single mother name brenda who lives in Spokane, washingten or whatever

Anyway its time for my list so lets get it poping BABY!!! There were a lot of imagenary albems by ‘Seifneld’ characters that i wish could have made this list. Goerge Steinbrenar’s “Calzone Crush Saga” was probebly my faverite post dubstep albem of the year and The Maestros sparkling debut mix tape “Tuscan Leather Interiers” on Rick Ross Mayback Music basicaly redefine what it meant to “turn up” in 2013

But I had to keep it to 20 so only the best of the best make the cut. Plese scroll down on this page and reading the oficial Top 20 Albems By Characters From Seinfeld. Just a remindar, this is all IMAGENARY so dont try to go out and buy any of these albems bc the record store clerk will look at you like your tacos locos and you will probebly get ban from the store.


20. J. Peterman - Burmese Dream (Kitsuné / J. Peterman)

Honetsly? What was suposed to be a simple mixtape style compilatien albem to promote J Petermen's colaboration line with clothing maker slash label Kitsune evolved into a groundbreaking chillwave record when everyone though chilwave was over. The album is a halucenagenic reality tour through Elanes boss's drug-haze experiance in Myanmar. HOTEST TRACK: "Yam Yam"


19. Newman - Hello, Jary (Matador)

"Hello Jary / I left candy bars in youre couch and the candy bars gave you fleas," declare mail-delivaring pop savant Newmen on his hit single "Mailman" which bitch-slap Jery Seinfeld in the face with its lyric. Despite focusing entire on his neighber Jery Senfeld, Newmens debut album ended up ruling the pop charts, thanks to sultry hip-hop-savvy, powefrul voice and synth jams as earworm as Miley Cyres or Katy Parys most splashiest hits. HOTEST TRACK: "Royals"


18. Uncle Leo - Jerry, Hello (Drag City)

If anything 2013 was a year dominated by albems dedicated to Jery senfeld. But where Newmen used music to directed his rage at Jary in album form, Uncle Leos debut come from a much more vulnarable place- his heart. Sick of Jery never saying "hello" he recorded this pleading folk mastarpiece produced entirely by Justin Vernen of Bon Ever or whatever. HOTEST TRACK: "Cousin Jeffrey (Parks Dept)"


17. Cosmo Kramer - N Word (Self-released)

Heres what we said about this self releaed albem by Cosmo Krame when we reviewed Pichforks imagenary review of it in June: "Entirely self-produced and recorded on a Panesonic Shockwave, N Word is an n word laced fever dream with multi tracked n words layered on top of n words. In short, the n word have never sounded this good before." The only thing we can add to that is that eight month's after its initiel release, N Word is still one of the hotest, most racist albums ever recorded. HOTEST TRACK: "N Word N Word N Word"


16. Tim Whatley - Fluo Rida (Anticon)

The cover of this albem, which feature Tim Watley from sienfled doing a cool skate stunt in mid air on a tube of tothpaste while wearing a Supreme hat,turned a lot of ppl off. But its worth revisit because Tim Wahtly actualy drops some verbel pyrotecnics that rival Eminem Marshal Mathers 2. HOTEST TRACK: "Shticle Of Fluoride"


15. Bob Sacamano - self-titled (Universal Republic)

This stelar albem came out in febuary and still no one knows what Bob Sakamano looks like, but his mystary and anonymity fit perfect into the lush vibe of his debut, which find Krames best frend languish in a seductive pit of women,drugs, despaire and bad decisiens. HOTEST TRACK: "Bob Sakamano"


14. Sidra - Real And Spectacular (Universal Island)

In 2013, what does it mean to be real? What does it mean to be spectaculer? Those and many more questiens are questiens which Sidra confront head on via her debut albem, "Real And Spectaculer." Sidra took over the year with its infectios pop melodeys. Worth the price of admissien alone for its hit single "My BFs Ex GF Grabbed My Brests In The Sauna" which we had on PERMENENT REPEAT on itunes in 2013! HOTEST TRACK:  "My BFs Ex GF Grabbed My Brests In The Sauna (Calvin Haris Remix)"


13. Helen Seinfeld - Bangerz (RCA)

While her decisien to "get her twerk on" at the Kenedy Centre Honors earlier this week seemed questienable at best, theres no questien that Jery Senfelds mom Helen CRUSHED it this year with "Bangerz" an albem that saw her breaking out of the role of 70 year old mom who live in at retirement home in florida and sliping into something a litle more comfortable. HOTEST TRACK: "Why Did You Take The Pen"


12. Jackie Chiles - Outrageous! (Daptone)

What can be said about the imagenary debut albem by Jacky Childs that hasnt already been said by every critics this year? Jacky basicaly took the sounds of African Amereca from 1971 - 1983 and distiled them into the smokyest, sultriest and yes, most "outrageous" throwback soul record of 2013. This is part one of a two part sereis, look out for "Prepostarous!" coming out in early 2014. HOTEST TRACK: "Who Told You Put The Cheese On"


11. Manhands - The Hands Of A Man (True Panther)

Jillian "Manhands" Bensen finaly has found a way to chanel the years of hurt she felt after being labeled a "man hands" by doing something brave and ultimetely beatufiul and finaly, powerful: owning it. Sure theres pain to be heard on this tender colection of acoustic folk songs with a lo fi edge but theres also an undercurent of pure joy. The fact that she cant play the guitar very well bc her fingars are too sausagey only add to the authenticety. HOTEST TRACK: "High Five, Broken Hand"


10. Morty Seinfeld - My Wallet's Gone! (Matador/Domino)

The world loves a comeback, and there was no greter return than this debut albem by Jery Sienfedls father, Morty Snefeld. After a devastating loss of his livelyhod after his raincoats business folded, Morty picked up a guitar to keep himself ocupied. Welp since coming out with this alt contry album of whiskey soaked numbers Morty has ocupied a place in our ipod nanos- and our hearts- ever since. HOTEST TRACK: "Tip Calculater"


9. Babu Bhatt - Very Bad Man (N.E.E.T.)

M.I.A. kept Babu Bhatt a secret for years but realy what she was doing was building her protege up to be her secret weapen. Fueled by raw anger after having his restarant dreams crushed by Jery Sienfeld and then deported from the United State's, this pakistani rave rapper brethes yoga fire all over blaring beats by Danja, Hit boy, M.I.A. and Babu Bhatt himself. HOTEST TRACK: "He Said The Wheels Are In Motien"


8. George Costanza - Sweet Fancy Moses (Sacred Bones)

When we imagened Pitchforkmedia.net's review of this albem in June, we said that Gerge Costanzes debut albem for Sacred Boans "manage to find the soul in sex with no lites on, like a cuacasian versien of The Weknd, over a bed of sqelching riff's, metalic squink's, glonks with a dusting of electranic blurps." Since then, multiple listans later, weve also notice that the albem is clutered with groaning clarps and festooned with blenching granks, for what its worth. HOTEST TRACK: "I Would Drape My Self In Velvette If It Was Socialy Aceptable"


7. Soup Nazi - No Soup For You (self-released)

The only tragedy of this albem is that its contreversiel artwork ovarshadowed the quality of this simering prog punk record, the first by Yev Kasem, notoriosly known as "The Soup Nazi." This recerd is every bit as delicios as his mulagatany, and every bit as solid as his armoir. HOTEST TRACK: "Your Pushing Your Luck Little Man"


6. Elaine Benes - Get Out (Terrible)

In June when we imagened what if Pitchfork reviewed albems by Jery, Elane, Garge and Jery, we (i dont know why i keep saying we, honestly it was all me, i guess saying "we" gives it more autharity or whever) wrote that "Get Out features the sultrey slink of 80s R&B pop but put Elane Bennis front and centar, owning her sexuelity and not apolegizing for it." Since releseing this albem, Elane has severed ties with producar Dev Hines. I guess, i mean WE guess we'll see if that was a good idea when her folow up "Exclamatien Point" drops in April. HOTEST TRACK: "I Mentiened The Bisque"


5. Manya - I Had A Pony (4AD)

Who knew that one 97-year-old woman working out bitersweet issues over the memery of her pony, while coming to terms with her own mortality, would somehow make for one of the most uplifting listans of the year? HOTEST TRACK: "Pony (Ginuwine cover)"


4. Sue Ellen Mischke - Bra Optional (XL)

Simply a better, looser, more sucesful versien of Elanes album. HOTEST TRACK: "Try On The Bra"


3. Estelle Costanza - Mahjong (Jagjaguwar)

What is this albem? Estele Costanze broke out in 2013 with a debut that may not be understood for another decade. Take a liberal sprinkling of nu grimehall beats, round it out with gothic post hardcore dirge, throw in some late 80s industrial maw, Orlando bounce and a equal helpings of Italian disco and Nebraska era Burce springston and you maybe are aproaching now the sound of this modarn day mastarpiece. HOTEST TRACK: "I Come Home (To Find My Son Treating His Body Like) An Amusment Park"


2. Kenny Bania - Solid Gold (Fat Possum)

Who would have thoght that an albem featuring an 18 minute song about Oveltine would have been second on our list of imagenary albems of the year made by charcters from senfeld? But here is Keny Banyas "Solid Gold" a trimph of retro modarn disco that honestly make Daft Punks "Randam Access Holywood" sound like solid shit by comparisen. HOTEST TRACK: "Gold, Jary"


1. Jerry Seinfeld - That's A Shame (Merge)

When we first imagened Pichforks imaganary review of this made up albem all the way back in June, we never imagened that Jerys deceptively straightforwerd rock record would make it to the top of this list. But three Gramy nominatiens later (including Song Of The Year for "Poppy Pee On My Sofa") its defenitely NOT a shame that "Thats A Shame" is numero uno. k, thanks for reading the whoale article, goodbye. HOTEST TRACK: "Its Not A Purse (Its European)"
 

Foloe Jary on Twetr - @Seinfeld2000

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