[Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS. Most importantly, he's our new Reviews Editor over at Noisey. He sent us an all-caps email threatening to "GENTLY KARATE CHOP [US] IN THE BREAST" if we changed any part of his reviews, so we'll be running them unedited on a daily basis from here on out.]
I FUCKS WITH THIS SHIT B. I KNOW SOME OF YALL ARE LIKE "YOU'RE BLACK NIGGER DUH YOU LIKE FUCKING RAP MUSIC" AND YOU SAY "MUSIC" WITH AIR QUOTES LIKE A LIL BITCH *FLINCHES AT YOU IN ORDER TO STARTLE YOU* WELL NO I DO NOT ENJOY ALL RAP MUSIC AND I ALSO ENJOY VARIOUS GENRES OF MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENTS AIGHT SO FALL THE FUCK BACK BEFORE I JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE AND KARATE KICK YOU IN THE FUCKIN SOLAR PLEXUS.
BRUH THIS NIGGA GOT LIKE 2 FEATURES AND ONE OF THEM IS A GUY NAMED "KNOWLEDGE PIRATE" WHICH IS THE BEST FUCKIN RAP NAME I EVER HEARD EVER. SHIT IS THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF "KOSHA DILLZ" IN TERMS OF BEST RAP NAMES TO HAVE. (THATS REALLY A REAL RAPPER, GOOGLE IT. OR YAHOO IT IF YOU'RE 63 YEARS OLD.) ROC FLOW IS THE GOOD KINDA AWKWARD AND THE NIGGA HAS SO MANY PRODIGY TYPE WILD LINES THAT THIS WILL LAST YOU THROUGH SEVERAL BLUNTS. ACTUALLY THE BEST THING TO DO TO THIS SHIT IS DRIVE A FULL SIZE EUROPEAN SEDAN AROUND WHILE YOU SMOKE WEED AND LOOK AT PASSERBY AS IF YOU WISH THEM HARM.
THE BEATS ON THIS SHIT IS KINDA CRAZY TOO IT'S LIKE LO-FI RZA ALCHEMIST TYPE SHIT VERY VALUABLE INTENSE SHIT NAHMEAN?
I GIVE THIS 5 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 6 PROLLY WOULDA GAVE IT 6 BUT ONE OF MY HEADPHONES IS BROKEN
STANDOUT TRACK: "DEATH PARADE" ANY SONG CALLED "DEATH PARADE" IS GONNA BE MY FAVORITE SONG ON ANY ALBUM.
2013: The Year Nelly Was Everywhere and Nowhere at the Same Time
No other artist spent as much time so close to the Zeitgeist as Nelly this year without being even remotely close to being the Zeitgeist.
You Don’t Like Childish Gambino's 'Because the Internet' Because of the Internet
Don't allow the narrative surrounding Donald Glover's musical career define the way you think.
The Real Difference Between a Mixtape and an Album
Why do rappers still about sales when they could release a mixtape, gain exposure, and cash in later?
Are the Grammys Irrelevant or Did Yeezus Actually Suck?
Breaking down Yeezy's obsession with the awards.
2013: A Year In Which Some Music Happened
A year’s art starts on Day One of the new year. If we don’t quantify it somehow by December, who are we as a people and what is our worth?
If R. Kelly Makes Us So Uncomfortable, Why Do We Keep Listening?
This is art we're talking about, and it's as real as you allow it to be.
Britney Spears: Capitalism's Last Stand
At last, the Queen has found her domain.
The Real Rick Ross Stands Up
We met with the ex-crack kingpin, who told us stories from his drug dealing days and gave us an exclusive excerpt from his upcoming autobiography.
Sorry, Dudes. The Ladies Won Punk This Year.
These are the women who kicked a particularly large amount of ass in 2013.
2013: The Most OK Year Ever
Kitty Pryde reflects on her sort of shitty, sort of amazing 2013.