[Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS. Most importantly, he's our new Reviews Editor over at Noisey. He sent us an all-caps email threatening to "GENTLY KARATE CHOP [US] IN THE BREAST" if we changed any part of his reviews, so we'll be running them unedited on a daily basis from here on out.]
I FUCKS WITH THIS SHIT B. I KNOW SOME OF YALL ARE LIKE "YOU'RE BLACK NIGGER DUH YOU LIKE FUCKING RAP MUSIC" AND YOU SAY "MUSIC" WITH AIR QUOTES LIKE A LIL BITCH *FLINCHES AT YOU IN ORDER TO STARTLE YOU* WELL NO I DO NOT ENJOY ALL RAP MUSIC AND I ALSO ENJOY VARIOUS GENRES OF MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENTS AIGHT SO FALL THE FUCK BACK BEFORE I JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE AND KARATE KICK YOU IN THE FUCKIN SOLAR PLEXUS.
BRUH THIS NIGGA GOT LIKE 2 FEATURES AND ONE OF THEM IS A GUY NAMED "KNOWLEDGE PIRATE" WHICH IS THE BEST FUCKIN RAP NAME I EVER HEARD EVER. SHIT IS THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF "KOSHA DILLZ" IN TERMS OF BEST RAP NAMES TO HAVE. (THATS REALLY A REAL RAPPER, GOOGLE IT. OR YAHOO IT IF YOU'RE 63 YEARS OLD.) ROC FLOW IS THE GOOD KINDA AWKWARD AND THE NIGGA HAS SO MANY PRODIGY TYPE WILD LINES THAT THIS WILL LAST YOU THROUGH SEVERAL BLUNTS. ACTUALLY THE BEST THING TO DO TO THIS SHIT IS DRIVE A FULL SIZE EUROPEAN SEDAN AROUND WHILE YOU SMOKE WEED AND LOOK AT PASSERBY AS IF YOU WISH THEM HARM.
THE BEATS ON THIS SHIT IS KINDA CRAZY TOO IT'S LIKE LO-FI RZA ALCHEMIST TYPE SHIT VERY VALUABLE INTENSE SHIT NAHMEAN?
I GIVE THIS 5 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 6 PROLLY WOULDA GAVE IT 6 BUT ONE OF MY HEADPHONES IS BROKEN
STANDOUT TRACK: "DEATH PARADE" ANY SONG CALLED "DEATH PARADE" IS GONNA BE MY FAVORITE SONG ON ANY ALBUM.
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Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
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Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
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Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
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Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
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Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
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R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
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The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
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I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
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Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
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Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
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