The Remix Report Card: First Quarter 2015 - “Blessings,” “She Knows,” “Preach,” and More

Image courtesy of Paper Route Empire

2014 ended with a whimper for the beleaguered cultural institution that is the all-star rap remix. And in 2015, it’s frequently R&B singers, rock bands, and pop acts that are keeping it alive for when they need to extend the life of a hit single, with Ne-Yo notching the most spun remix of the first quarter.

Because he can’t do anything right, French Montana is just about the only person who couldn’t get a single featuring Jeremih to pop off in the past year. Nonetheless, he had to do a remix, because French Montana eats, breathes and shits remixes (mostly the latter). Speaking of bodily functions, Rick Ross says charming things like “Thought she peed on me, pussy’s so wet,” but Fab remains dependable for a solid R&B track guest verse.

Best Verse: Fabolous
Overall Grade: C-

One of the things that has put a damper on the rap remix game in the last few years is the shrinking window of time between the release of the original song and the remix. “Blessings” is an especially extreme example – the remix featuring Kanye dropped mere hours after the album version with just Big Sean and Drake’s verses. And the mere fact of Drake and Kanye rapping on the same track, for the first time since 2009’s “Forever” following years of superstar subtweet tension, makes this remix an event. But the actual song does everything it can to deflate that excitement, from the barely there beat to the phoned in verses. You know a song is bad when a forced pun like Kanye’s “see three P.O.’s like Star Wars” is a highlight. But what’s more disconcerting is the weird lyric borrowing going on between the three rappers. Sean’s “Funny thing about talking behind my back is that it just keeps coming back to me” is a callback to a Drake line from “The Language,” and Drake’s “For n----s that don’t do shit, I swear, y’all be doing the most” is extremely close to a lyric from Kanye’s recent “All Day,” although it’s hard to say who did the line first.

Best Verse: Big Sean
Overall Grade: F

As with the remix to his big hit, Bobby Shmurda gets upstaged by his GS9 buddy Rowdy Rebel on the remix to the follow-up single. In fact, the whole remix has a welcome surge of energy to it that was missing from the leaden original. Best Verse: Rowdy Rebel
Overall Grade: B

I didn’t expect a Petey Pablo line to be flipped into a hit record in 2015. But given that K-Camp might as well be our modern day C-list southern rap equivalent to Petey, perhaps he’s paying it forward, in hopes that someone quotes K-Camp on hit songs in 2025. Fresh off of his album with Tyga, Breezy continues making his moderately capable rapping sound better by showing it off on tracks with the dullest MCs in the game.

Best Verse: Chris Brown
Overall Grade: B-

I don’t know who TK-N-Cash are, and I kind of want to keep it that way. When a song this generic and anonymous shows up on rap radio now, I almost assume it’s one of those reasonable facsimile songs from Empire. So it’s appropriate that the established star on the song’s remix is just shape-shifting industry puppet B.o.B, who dedicates his tepid verse to his haters as well as his highly implausible “50 million fans.”

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D

After a few years of listlessly beefing, Rick Ross and Jeezy have now resolved their differences and guested on each other’s albums. So it’s kind of nice that they’ve continued to collaborate even now that it’s ceased to be a big deal, even if Jeezy’s verse teases at the controversy with the line “Keep your frenemies close, keep that 40 cal closer.” Still, it would’ve been nice if Young Dolph had reached out to Shawty Lo, whose 2005 hit “I’m Da Man” was ruthlessly plundered for Zaytoven’s drums on “Preach,” for the remix.

Best Verse: Jeezy
Overall Grade: B-

Way back in 2011, Ne-Yo released ”The Way You Move,” an ode to strippers featuring Trey Songz and T-Pain. That song barely charted and quickly vanished, never even appearing on an album. But now Ne-Yo has managed to reunite that same trio, plus another R&B star, on the remix to a similarly themed single (another official remix featuring the ubiquitous French Montana and Fabolous got far fewer spins). The first time I heard this remix on the radio, The-Dream sounded so swagged up on his absurd intro that I thought it was one of the Rae Sremmurd kids. And while T-Pain remains a remix all-star, it’s Trigga Trey that really commandeers the song and makes it sound like it could’ve been a bigger hit with him at the wheel.

Best Verse: Trey Songz
Overall Grade: B+

Nicki gets a whole new flip of the song’s backing track, with drums that are a little more hospitable to her flow, and takes over the song for 40 seconds of rapping and singing. And then, it flips back into the original Maroon 5 track for the next three minutes. Fun and pleasant, but somehow underwhelming and pointless, much like “Sugar” in general.

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C-

Fetty Wap is sort of this year’s Bobby Shmurda, the little-known East Coast rapper who rocketed into the top ten of the Hot 100 with an unlikely smash. And like Bobby, Fetty also made an obligatory remix with French Montana early in the song’s ascent, in order to help lock down New York radio, before it became clear that the song was destined for national ubiquity. French gets points for inserting his signature “HAHN!” into the song’s hook, and nothing else.

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F

Fall Out Boy continues to connect with rap stars through a shared love of tattoos and skinny jeans, and are promoting their upcoming Boys Of Zummer Tour with Wiz Khalifa with a remix of their current single. Wiz goes for a 90s movie reference you might think he’s too young to make with “I’m Brad Pitt in a cool world,” but totally neglects the opportunity to riff on Uma Thurman’s filmography.

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C-

Few rappers seemed more doomed to a very temporary stay in the spotlight than Trinidad James when “All Gold Everything” peaked on the charts in 2013. And even his presence on an August Alsina hit in 2014 seemed to just be a generous extension of his fleeting fame. But after Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars interpolated the “All Gold Everything” hook for the biggest song of 2015, all bets are off, I really have no idea how long we’re gonna be stuck with this guy. And, naturally, he’s taking advantage of the moment, appearing on one of the two official “Uptown Funk” remixes (the other featuring Action Bronson). Trinidad James hasn’t become a good rapper at any point in the last two years, but he entertainingly trolls the haters by saying “I’m Jeromey Rome,” embracing the Martin Lawrence character the Internet has often jokingly compared him to.

Best Verse: n/a
Overall Grade: C-

Al Shipley is married to an actual college professor who gives out grades that matter, he just jokes around on Twitter at @AlShipley.