YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS. Over the weekend, Justin Bieber did a bunch of weed at a party and got drunk and probably boned a girl, according to TMZ. This is only news because Justin Bieber has the voice of an angel and is probably the most famous person under the age of twenty—even more famous than Sasha and Malia Obama!—and therefore is held to higher/dumber standards than literally any other under-twenty human being.
The existence of TMZ, who reported the weed-smoking incident, is obviously terrible and stupid—it seems to exist to drag foible-exposing bullshit non-news into the spotlight, such as when they revealed that Frank Ocean got pulled for speeding on New Year's Eve and was also cited for marijuana possession. This was stupidly, stupidly treated as a noteworthy story despite the fact that literally everyone who likes Frank Ocean knows he smokes weed and drives fast cars.
In short, tabloid sites like TMZ and Perez Hilton are the reason that celebrities can't have fun and do whatever they want anymore without fear of being exposed as real people with weaknesses or habits that some might find distasteful. Someone died literally last week because he was certain that he'd seen Justin Bieber smoking weed in his car and wanted to take a picture of it. It's a fucked-up culture of celebrity where that's allowed to happen.
But you know what's more fucked-up? Justin Bieber turned that innocent person's death into a call for stronger legislation to prevent paparazzi from going to such great lengths to take pictures of celebrities. Not only that, but in a horrible, he-doesn't-give-a-shit-about-other-people turn of circumstance, he was caught smoking weed by another paparazzo who didn't die, which foregrounds the fact that Justin Bieber doesn't want stronger legislation regarding paparazzi to protect their lives he just wants stronger legislation regarding paparazzi so nobody takes pictures of him smoking weed.
In closing, fuck TMZ for perpetuating this culture, fuck Justin Bieber for being a overindulged prick who thinks he's owed something beyond the millions of dollars he gets every month of just being himself, and fuck me for posting about this.
Drew Millard has more pictures of Justin Bieber smoking pot on Twitter - @drewmillard
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