Peeling Back The Mythology: What Being In A Band Is Really Like

We know that the music world seems pretty glamorous. All the of the fans, groupies, bright lights, autograph sessions, endorsement deals, it truly seems like it's the pinnacle of stardom. We hate to break it to you, but it isn't… especially in 2013. As someone who has played in bands, worked on tours, and spent countless hours backstage looking for the holy grail (also known as a functioning toilet), I know a thing or two about what being in a band is really like. Now it's time to crush your delusional dreams. Sorry.

Over the summer, Jorma Vik from the Bronx made Internet headlines when he posted a photo of Black Veil Brides' amps from behind which showed that the speaker cabinets were empty. This is about as "controversial" as the fact that huge pop artists lip sync live or reality TV is scripted. The truth is that due to those huge stacks of speakers called PAs, walls of amps are basically just for aesthetics or to hang scrims (those big tapestries) off of. So the next time you see your favorite metal act rocking out in front of miles of full stacks, enjoy it, but know that the guitarist is probably playing though a combo amp that's hidden behind all of those dummy cabinets.

A common dream of music fans is sneaking backstage to enjoy the equivalent of Gene Simmons in a hot tub with a bunch of models and whatever else happened in the movie Detroit Rock City. Unfortunately the reality is that most backstage areas these days are a bunch of guys Skyping with their families, watching Family Guy or, worst of all, playing World Of Warcraft until their eyes burn. Does partying happen backstage? Sure. Just keep in mind that it's mostly dudes, there's a very finite number of beers, and if they're not in a bus they have to spend all night driving. Have fun out there!

If you're in Sonic Youth, yes, you need 14 guitars in all different tunings in order to get through a two-hour long set. However if you're playing on the Home Depot stage on the Warped Tour for 20 minutes in Billings, Montana, you probably don't. The truth is that guitar players are an egotistical bunch and in many cases, all of those axe changes stem more from the fact that the guitarist wants to look "pro," considering there are a handful of generally accepted ways to string your guitar and digital tuners take literally seconds to implement. Then again, how else are they supposed to show off those sweet mirrored pickguards?

Earlier this year, my band opened for Circa Survive at House Of Blues in Atlantic City where someone in the front kept yelling, "Get the fuck off the stage, bring out Circa!" throughout our entire set. While I found this hilarious, it was clear that this person didn't understand that there are specific set times and we aren't just going to get off stage because you are obsessed with Anthony Green. In the same spirit, bands have set lists so chances are they aren't going to play that obscure B-side you've been shouting for all night when the purpose of the tour is to promote a new album. Not that this will stop you.

Are you ever at a show and a singer makes a hilarious quip about a song? The reason why most singers can do this about their own material and not, say, current events is because they repeat the same shit every day until they're basically reading off a script. Is this wrong? No. Even Louis C.K. gets a year to come up with new material but bands can perform for months at a time without taking a break. So next time you see your favorite act play two nights in a row and get mad that you've heard this anecdote about a hotel room before, imagine coming up with a new set of banter every night as you're ordering another drink.

How often do you go to a show and a t-shirt costs $25? Sure, cotton has gotten more expensive (maybe to support their confounding new ad campaign) but there's no denying that there is a huge mark-up involved in this shirt. A couple of things to keep in mind: If your favorite band is on tour with a bigger band, they aren't allowed to sell their merch for less or it could potentially cut into the headliner's sales. Also, if you're at a bigger show, the venue itself gets a cut of the merchandise (the percentage varies). Finally, bands don't really make money from album sales now so this is one of the sole ways they support themselves, so keep that in mind when you put your wallet on lockdown.

Is it impossible that the CD you threw on stage will make it into the bassist's laptop later that night? No, of course not. However think about it from his or her perspective and you'll quickly realize that those silver spheres look more like AOL installation discs than they do viable options for "the next big thing." Even in the digital world, cold-emailing copies of your Bandcamp site with zero context to the guy who manages their email account probably isn't going to land you a support slot on their next tour. By all means, continue to make your art and tell people about it but what's most important are forging personal connections. At least those can't be used as frisbees.