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Music

Paramore's Self-Titled Album is Music for Teens to Saunter Through Food Courts To

WHITE PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME. PUT THE FUCKING UKULELE DOWN.
TK
New York, US

*DOES SKATEBOARD KICKY THING WHEN NIGGAS KICK THEY SKATEBOARD INTO THEY HAND, EXCEPT I DROP IT*

EFF YEAH!! FREAKING ROCK!! *JUMPS AROUND IN CIRCLES WEARING SKATE SHOES AND NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS TSHIRT.*

THIS IS COOL B LIKE THESE GUYS ARE VERY SKILLED AT CRAFTING MUSIC FOR TEENAGERS TO SAUNTER THROUGH FOOD COURTS TO. UNFORTUNATELY THESE NIGGAS CAME OUT IN 2000SOMETHING AND NOT WHEN NIGGAS WERE MAKING CLUELESS AND SHE'S ALL THAT AND ALL THOSE OTHER TEENAGE CAUCASOID CINEMATIC JOINTS, CUZ THIS IS BASICALLY THE SOUNDTRACK FOR ALL THAT. TO BE HONEST I HAVE NO PRIOR EXPOSURE TO THESE NIGGAS SO I ASKED MY WIFE (WHO IS WHITE AND HAS A GENERAL KNOWLEDGE OF "WALKING AROUND MALLS" MUSIC BECAUSE SHE IS FROM NEW JERSEY AND THAT'S WHAT NIGGAS DO IN NEW JERSEY. THEY WALK AROUND MALLS AND SMOKE CIGARETTES.) TO DESCRIBE THIS BAND IN ONE SENTENCE AND SHE SAID, "IT MAKES ME THINK ABOUT DOING KARAOKE? I DON'T KNOW? THEY'RE OKAY. PLEASE CALL YOUR MOTHER SHE TEXTED ME EIGHT TIMES AND I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING." AS A MUSICAL JOURNALISM PROFESSIONAL I'M GONNA INTERPRET THAT AS "PARAMORE MAKES EPIC STADIUM READY POP-PUNK SING ALONG SMASHES WITH GUITAR RIFFS THAT CARRY YOU INTO THE STRATOSPHERE BEFORE HAYLEY WILLIAMS' HAUNTINGLY ELEGANT VOCALS PIERCE YOUR SOUL AND EMBED THEMSELVES IN YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS"

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THAT WAS A GOOD MUSIC JOURNALIST VERBAL BJ RIGHT? WELL GUESS WHAT NIGGA I'LL NEVER SAY SOME SHIT LIKE THAT OUTSIDE OF SCARE QUOTES SO DON'T GET HYPE LIKE A NIGGA IS DOING REVIEWS AT PITCHFORK. THIS VICE NIGGA!! THIS MUHFUCKIN VICE NIGGA!! *THROWS UP GANG SIGNS, BRANDISHES FIREARM*

HAHAHA!! IMAGINE I STARTED A "BEEF" BETWEEN VICE AND PITCHFORK AND DID ONE OF THOSE SMACK DVD STYLE "CHILLIN ON THE BLOCK WITH 30 GOONS" VIDEOS WHERE I THREATENED THOSE NIGGAS? IMAGINE THEY WEREN'T SCARED BY MY GOON BEHAVIOR AND GALLONS UPON GALLONS OF HIPSTER BLOOD WAS SHED? THAT WOULD BE CRAZY B. THE PRESIDENT WOULD REFERENCE IT AS A TURNING POINT IN THE INTERNET REVOLUTION AND CIVIL RIGHTS SHIT. I'M THE INTERNET CHE GUEVARA WITH NO BLING ON.

DOGGIE THERE'S A FUCKING UKULELE SONG ON HERE. WHITE PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME. PUT THE FUCKING UKULELE DOWN!! WHY DO YOU NIGGAS FUCKING LOVE UKULELES?! I'M GONNA START A BUSINESS THAT'S GONNA MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS A WEEK AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS YET…"MERO SO HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU FINNA MAKE ALL THAT MONEY? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SERVICE YOU FINNA PROVIDE!" HOLD ON IMMA TELL YOU.

WHATEVER BUSINESS IT IS IMMA NAME IT "ORGANIC DOG KISSES AND UKULELES" WHICH IS LIKE THE WHITE PEOPLE BUZZWORD TRIPLE SCORE. IT MIGHT JUST BE A STORE FRONT WHERE YOU COME TONGUE KISS A GOLDEN RETRIEVER WHILE A NIGGA THAT LOOKS LIKE ZACH GALKIFIINIA8NKAIKIS PLAYS A UKULELE. DON'T STEAL MY FUCKIN IDEA YOU COWARDS! I'M FUCKIN BROKE YOU NIGGAS GOTTA LET ME HAVE SOMETHING SON I GOT TWO KIDS AND I'M ALMOST 100% SURE I MAKE LESS THAN THE LADY THAT CLEANS YOUR FUCKIN HOUSE SO LET ME AT LEAST KEEP MY INTELECTUAL PROPERTY. FUCKIN PARASITES. A UKULELE IS A TINY GUITAR.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 2 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE I HAVE NO USE FOR WAILEY WILLIAMS AND HER LIL FUCKBABY GUITAR.

STANDOUT TRACK: GUYS I WANT YOU TO REVISIT THE G-UNIT REMIX OF "I LUV YOUR GIRL" BECAUSE TONY YAYO WAS IMPECCABLE ON THAT SHIT.

The Kid Mero is perhaps the first person to say that Tony Yayo was impeccable on anything. He's on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO