Remember a little while back when the official news came out that Mariah Carey was officially going to be the new official American Idol judge, like, officially? We all did a little victory dance, because if Miss Mariah is good at one thing, it’s bringing entertainment—officially.
Well, apparently Mariah and her Lollipop Bling-scented cleavage were not enough to spruce up this long-running talent contest. According to, uh, US Weekly, Nicki Minaj will be joining the Idol judging panel for next season.
"I'm not sure the deal is completely done yet, but yes, she is definitely doing it," said one inside source. "A few more slight things to sign off on, but it is happening." According to another "source," Minaj is "100 percent confirmed to judge American Idol." (I L-O-V-E it when they use the term “source” like that.)
Okay, so from what we know, neither Miss Minaj nor FOX has confirmed the news, but these sources seem like gold, don’t you think? Wasn’t that what our professors were always harping on about? “Citing your sources?” So legit.
Okay, look. We really hope that Nicki Minaj is going to be on Idol, but not as a judge. We want her to be in charge of makeovers for the contestants. How great would that be? Everyone would have giant ass implants, crazy pink make-up, eye injections—is that even a thing?—fake lashes, horse hooves and whatever other weird things she does to her Barbie body. At least that would take care of the contestants who get stuck in the “Hard Rocker” stereotype and end up dressed like it’s “Funky Aunt Bianca’s Day In Manhattan.” Minaj would turn that contest into a freakshow and we would definitely, definitely watch at least, like, half an episode.
-
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
-
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
-
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
-
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
-
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
-
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
-
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
-
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
-
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
-
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
NOW PLAYING ON YOUTUBE
Comments