Kid Rock's New Record Is Audio Racism
[Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS. Most importantly, he's our new Reviews Editor over at Noisey. He sent us an all-caps email threatening to "GENTLY KARATE CHOP [US] IN THE BREAST" if we changed any part of his reviews, so we'll be running them unedited on a daily basis from here on out.]
"THIS IS FUCKIN AMURICA NIGGERS!!! IN IF YEW DOAN LAHK IET YEW CAN GIT THE FUCK AWNDIN CAUSE THIS IS FUCKIN MURICA!! WE DRANK BUD LAHT AND LISSNA KID FUCKIN RAWK!!!!"
THIS SHIT IS AUDIO RACISM B. THE ONLY THINGS YOU CAN DO TO THIS ALBUM IS BEAT YOUR WIFE UNJUSTIFIABLY OR CALL A BLACK GUY A "NIGGER" BETWEEN CLENCHED TEETH WHEN HE IS OUT OF EARSHOT. KID ROCK WENT FROM BEING A SHRIEKING WIGGER IN ADIDAS SUITS TO BEING JOHNNY CASH IF JOHNNY CASH WASN'T RACIST BUT PRETENDED TO BE. THIS IS AN ALBUM OF COMMERCIALS B. IT'S LIKE THE NIGGA WENT INTO THE STUDIO LIKE "AIGHT YO LETS BANG OUT THIS "DETROIT" JOINT FOR AN INSPIRING CHRYSLER COMMERCIAL…THEN WE'LL FINISH THAT NASCAR COMMERCIAL SONG I WROTE LAST NIGHT AND UHHH I WANNA REDO THE VOCALS ON THAT SHIT I WROTE ABOUT REDNECKS IN THE ARMY AND LETS CHANGE THE TITLE FROM "REBEL KING EAGLE" TO "ARMY STRONG" OK?" *SNIFFS LINE OF DECENT QUALITY COCAINE* I GUESS THIS IS A GOOD LOOK FOR HIM BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE LOVE BEING INSPIRED BY ROCK'N'ROLL. CONVERSELY I'M INSPIRED TO DO A NUDE FLYING KARATE KICK INTO MY COMPUTER WEARING TIMBS JUST FOR CONTAINING THIS MUSIC RIGHT NOW. OD LEVELS OF TWANG ON THIS SHIT B. I CAN'T DO TWANG YOU NIGGAS CAN GET THAT TWANG SHIT THE FUCK OUT MY FACIAL FOREVER.
I GIVE THIS SHIT 2 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 5 BECAUSE THERE'S A SONG CALLED "COCAINE & GIN"
STANDOUT TRACK: "COCAINE & GIN" …I AIN'T LISTEN TO THIS SHIT TO BE HONEST BUT I'MA PUT THIS ON A TSHIRT AND SELL IT ON KARMALOOP FOR LIKE $45
The Kid Mero Versus Baltimore Party Rap
Gay rap is not a genre.
Scrapbook: MØ Flips Through Her Old Photo Albums
From grunge to crust punk to hip-hop to coyly cool Scandi-pop, MØ digs through her old photo albums for the ultimate #TBT charting her music and style evolution.
Hipsters Can't Ruin Hip-Hop Because Hipsters Don't Exist
"Hipsters" are a fictional construct, an army of imaginary scapegoats in trucker hats perched perilously on top of both a five-panel and a snapback.
Deniro Farrar: Notice - Cult Rap - Part 3/4
Deniro Discusses How Cult Rap is a Genre of Music That Connects With the Listener Through Social Commentary
Insanely Close and Personal With the Brian Jonestown Massacre
I met Katy Newcombe when we were both fifteen. Now I see her presence lurking within magazine features, disguised as the words “Anton’s teenage Welsh bride.”
Courtney Barnett Told Us How to Stop Writing Terrible Poetry and Land a Record Deal
We talked to the Australian singer about art school and why trying to write good songs just leads to writing bad ones.
Turn Up to Keys N Krates' Diplo & Friends Mix
Occasionally, we the at Noisey will kindly request that you drop whatever you're doing and turn the goddamn motherfuck up. Now is one of those times.
Meet Amos: The Man Who Designs Moog's Wonderful Toys
Moogfest takes place in North Carolina this Wednesday and boasts a lineup including M.I.A., Giorgio Moroder, Kraftwerk, Dan Deacon and many more. So we talked to the man who dreams up synths.
I Went to Bogotá in Colombia For Festival Estéreo Picnic and Danced For Days
Noisey ditched North America for South to eat endless empanadas, catch up with Julian Casablancas backstage, get winded while dancing to Phoenix and find out more about Colombia's music scene.
Give Life Back to Fhqwhgads
How a Strong Bad/Daft Punk mash-up album helped bring out the magic in 'Random Access Memories.'