[Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS. Most importantly, he's our new Reviews Editor over at Noisey. He sent us an all-caps email threatening to "GENTLY KARATE CHOP [US] IN THE BREAST" if we changed any part of his reviews, so we'll be running them unedited on a daily basis from here on out.]
"THIS IS FUCKIN AMURICA NIGGERS!!! IN IF YEW DOAN LAHK IET YEW CAN GIT THE FUCK AWNDIN CAUSE THIS IS FUCKIN MURICA!! WE DRANK BUD LAHT AND LISSNA KID FUCKIN RAWK!!!!"
THIS SHIT IS AUDIO RACISM B. THE ONLY THINGS YOU CAN DO TO THIS ALBUM IS BEAT YOUR WIFE UNJUSTIFIABLY OR CALL A BLACK GUY A "NIGGER" BETWEEN CLENCHED TEETH WHEN HE IS OUT OF EARSHOT. KID ROCK WENT FROM BEING A SHRIEKING WIGGER IN ADIDAS SUITS TO BEING JOHNNY CASH IF JOHNNY CASH WASN'T RACIST BUT PRETENDED TO BE. THIS IS AN ALBUM OF COMMERCIALS B. IT'S LIKE THE NIGGA WENT INTO THE STUDIO LIKE "AIGHT YO LETS BANG OUT THIS "DETROIT" JOINT FOR AN INSPIRING CHRYSLER COMMERCIAL…THEN WE'LL FINISH THAT NASCAR COMMERCIAL SONG I WROTE LAST NIGHT AND UHHH I WANNA REDO THE VOCALS ON THAT SHIT I WROTE ABOUT REDNECKS IN THE ARMY AND LETS CHANGE THE TITLE FROM "REBEL KING EAGLE" TO "ARMY STRONG" OK?" *SNIFFS LINE OF DECENT QUALITY COCAINE* I GUESS THIS IS A GOOD LOOK FOR HIM BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE LOVE BEING INSPIRED BY ROCK'N'ROLL. CONVERSELY I'M INSPIRED TO DO A NUDE FLYING KARATE KICK INTO MY COMPUTER WEARING TIMBS JUST FOR CONTAINING THIS MUSIC RIGHT NOW. OD LEVELS OF TWANG ON THIS SHIT B. I CAN'T DO TWANG YOU NIGGAS CAN GET THAT TWANG SHIT THE FUCK OUT MY FACIAL FOREVER.
I GIVE THIS SHIT 2 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 5 BECAUSE THERE'S A SONG CALLED "COCAINE & GIN"
STANDOUT TRACK: "COCAINE & GIN" …I AIN'T LISTEN TO THIS SHIT TO BE HONEST BUT I'MA PUT THIS ON A TSHIRT AND SELL IT ON KARMALOOP FOR LIKE $45
-
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
-
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
-
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
-
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
-
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
-
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
-
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
-
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
-
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
-
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.
NOW PLAYING ON YOUTUBE
Comments