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Justin Timberlake's 'The 20/20 Experience' is Good, but Only Because He's in the Illuminati

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By The Kid Mero

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I KNOW ITS AGAINST THE RULES OF LIFE TO BE LIKE "THIS ALBUM IS KINDA BORING" OR WHATEVER CUZ IT'S JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND HE'S IN THAT KANYE LANE WHERE "OH EVERYTHING THIS GUY DOES IS THE BEST EVER HE'S A GENIUS!! DID YOU SEE HIM LIVETWEET AND EAT A SANDWICH ON USTREAM? HE'S A FUCKING LEGEND!! WHAT AN ARTIST!!"

I FORGOT HOW OBNOXIOUS JUSTIN'S FALSETTO WAS WHEN IT WAS ON FULL DISPLAY B. NAHMEAN LIKE I'M LISTENING TO THIS SHIT AT 8AM AND I'M LIKE CHILL NIGGA TAKE THIS SHIT DOWN LIKE 39 OCTAVES B. "PUSHER LOVE GIRL" SOUND LIKE THAT SHIT NIGGAS ARE DOING NOW WHERE THEY TRY TO MAKE PRODUCTION SOUND ALL OLD TIMEY & SHIT B. THIS NIGGA SOUNDS THE BEST OVER NEPTUNES COMPUTER BLING SOUNDS GUYS NAHMEAN? GET THIS AMY WHINEHOUSE CEE-LO GREEN ASS TRUMPET/ORGAN SHIT THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B.

"OH 'SUIT & TIE' IS CHOPPED & SCREWED THAT'S COOL" THAT'S PROLLY WHAT NIGGAS WAS SAYING IN THE STUDIO...IT'S NOT COOL AT ALL ACTUALLY B. THIS IS DEFINITELY MUSIC FOR OLD NIGGAS B. THIS IS MUSIC FOR A SEXX BOOGIE SKI TRIP TO THE POCONOS OR SOME SHIT B. IF YOU A "YOUNG 50" YEAR OLD THAT WORKS IN FINANCE OR SOME SHIT YOU DEFINITELY DOING SOME ARTHRITIC JINGLE JANGLE ASS DANCE TO THIS B. THIS IS MUSIC FOR A LOUNGE WHERE EVERYONE IS A DIVORCEE AND GOT KIDS IN COLLEGE & SHIT AND A FRATERNITY TATTOO AND THE FLOOR IS LIT UP.

"DON'T HOLD THE WALL" WOULD BE A GOOD SONG IF IT WAS 2002 AND NIGGAS WERE STILL RIDING THAT BOLLYWOOD WAVE BUT ALAS IT IS 2013 AND I'M NOT WATCHING "WORLD PICKS HINDI" FOR POSSIBLE SAMPLES NAHMEAN TIMBALAND WHAT HAPPENED MY PAL? LAST TIME I SAW YOU YOU WAS IN THE STUDIO WITH JAY-Z PLAYING "BRUSH YA SHOULDERS OFF" DEEPTHROATING A BANANA AND DRINKING A GALLON JUG OF TAMPICO. NOW YOU'RE THE BLACK DEADMAU5? YO THE REST OF THIS ALBUM SOUND LIKE SOME ANDRE 3000 COCAINE ATARI FUCKERY B. BUT IT'S JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SO IT'S "COOL" AND "OF THE MOMENT" NAHMEAN? BASICALLY THIS MUSIC WILL BE USED TO PROMOTE SEVERAL MID SIZE AMERICAN SEDANS MY NIGGA BUT GUESS WHAT IT WILL BE AT A VERY FAIR PRICE POINT BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND THE ECONOMY IS BAD AND WE JUST WANT TO KNOW WE ARE THERE WITH YOU. (YOU GOTTA SAY THAT LAST SENTENCE IN A TOMMY LEE JONES VOICEOVER). I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THOUGH, NEXT TIME I HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH A WHITE WOMAN (PROLLY MY WIFE) I'MA SAY "POPPINAT STRAWBERRY BUBBOGUM" REPEATEDLY IN THE SAME INTONATION AS JT...YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ACTUALLY A GREAT TRIPPY BJ SONG LIKE IF I'M WILD HIGH STRAWBERRY BUBBLEGUM IS A PRETTY SERVICEABLE BJ SOUNDTRACK. NOT EVEN MAD ABOUT THE SHIT TURNING INTO A HEDKANDI BEACHHOUSE COMPILATION JOINT HALFWAY THROUGH.

YO THERE IS WAY TO MUCH TIMBALAND ON THIS ALBUM BRUH. THIS DOESN'T SOUND NEW IT SOUNDS LIKE JT JUST PICKED UP WHERE SEXYBACK LEFT OFF B. I THOUGHT THIS NIGGA WAS GONNA COME THRU ON SOME FRANK OCEAN CUPCAKEY VOCAL "THINKIN BOUT YOU" SHIT BUT IT IS SMOKEY EYE MAKEUP FUCKING MUSIC THAT IS ENTERING MY EARHOLES INSTEAD. WHATEVER.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 3.75 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE JT IS CLEARLY ILLUMINATI AND IDK IF YOU NIGGAS SEEN ME IN THE NY TIMES BUT I'M POPPING IN THE STREETS RIGHT NOW LAST THING I NEED IS TO BE SACRIFICIED TO AN OWL STATUE BEFORE I MAKE MY FIRST $5000.

STANDOUT TRACK: "STRAWBERRY BUBBOGUM" BECAUSE I'M USING IT IN REGARDS TO PUSSY.

 

The Kid Mero was recently cited as one of the peaks of Rap Internet comedy by the New York Times. He's on Twitter - @THEKIDMERO

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