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Music

What Musicians Were Wearing and Sharing on Instagram This Week 6/27

Drake joins #BeardGang and the Desaparecidos flaunt dadbod on Instagram this week.

Before we begin, I’d like to send a heartfelt apology to the Beyhive, because I didn’t choose a Beyoncé Instagram photo at all this week. Now you’re probably wondering what prompted me to make this move of unusual cruelty, and I’ll tell you what happened. I was watching Rihanna’s “American Oxygen” video at the request of my mother (this is a true story) because she said it was “very informative,” so I watched it and liked it and then I wanted to re-watch the video for “Run This Town.” So I went to YouTube, only to find the video had been pulled. It’s probably now only available on TIDAL. So as my own silent protest, I opted to not post Bey this week. Or Rihanna. I’m petty like that. If I were a rapper I’d be called Petty Wap. Anyway, check out the pics from this week.

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OOOH BURRRRRN!!! Wiz Khalifa is like “I’m not garbage, YOU’RE GARBAGE!” THIRD DEGREE BURN!!! It reminds me of that old school commercial with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where some kid is being pressured to smoke and Leonardo is all, “Real Ninja Turtles don’t smoke.” So the “bully” is like, “Come on, chicken.” And the little weak kid is all, “I’m not a chicken. You’re a turkey.” BURN!!!! Anyway, if you were really standing beside your joke, Wiz, your face wouldn’t be covered. OOOH BURNNNN!!! Okay, I’m done.

After this post, I’d get married as fuck to Tyler, The Creator. Who am I kidding? I’ve wanted to marry that man since he ate a cockroach in the “Yonkers” video. Not sure why he’s dressed like a referee though.

Here for Drake joining #BeardGang. Here for him wearing a neon hoodie at the club. Here for this entire photo.

So do millionaires just join a meetup group to find each other? Like, how did Marky Mark and 50 Cent meet? Because they both share a strong affliction for lyricism and taking off their shirts? How did this really happen? I want answers. And why the fuck is he at a New Kids On the Block concert any damn way? Oh right, everyone loves Donnie Wahlberg now. Well, I have news for you, Curtis. Donnie was always my favorite New Kid. So there! BURN!

This is me when I get dressed up to go out and I’m waiting to leave the house because my friends are like “Can we meet at 8:30 instead?” And it’s only 7.

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Snoop is dressed like those guys you meet out in Times Square who tug at your arm and are like, “Excuse me, Miss? But do you love hip-hop? My group has this new CD.” And then you say no and walk away, and they say “Well fuck you then, bitch.”

Madonna is out here proving once again that her #TBT outfits were our outfits of the future. Seriously, didn’t you just wear this yesterday? I could’ve sworn you did. You’ll be wearing it tomorrow though.

Ariana Grande in her wig looks like J-Lo in one of those movie roles where she’s trying not to look like J-Lo.

Biebs and his posse are looking hella swaggy the night before Rumspringa. Hella fuckin’ swaggy, kids. Now go out there and sin like you mean it.

Shout out to our own Dan Ozzi for submitting this glorious work of art for consideration. Also shout out to the guy from Desaparecidos’ dadbod and the golf clubs in the corner to really drive the point home. He’s doing it for Nebraska, and I’m strangely turned on.

Willow Smith is somewhere studying interesting art, and here you just downloaded Snapchat, you fucking loser.

I want to caption this with “#Goals” but I know I wouldn’t mean it.

Okay and when his tour bus gets raided, he’s gonna be like, “What I do?” Sidebar, that vape contraption looks cool.

Me too, Azealia. Me. Too.

I am honored to say that my friend Koku is the woman in that bra. Give her a round of applause, everyone. And hey Luda, that’s not ludicrous. It’s fucking brilliant.

Kathy Iandoli will be called “Petty Wap” from now on. Follow her on Twitter.