I love weeks like this on Instagram. You know, the weeks where musicians didn’t just post pics of their cats (I’m looking at you, Taylor Swift), so I can actually comment on what they’re wearing, who they’re standing next to, and other really prolific shit. So yeah this week we have some goodies, and by goodies I mean stuff like “Why the fuck did you post this?”I have lived in the New York Metropolitan area my entire life, and I can NEVER fucking get a shot as cool as this. Maybe because I have no access to a roof that won’t result in my being locked outside and left to die or maybe because when I say “Okay take the pic” I arch my neck like a peacock trying to hide my slight double chin. Whatever the case may be, kudos to Miley Cyrus for finally taking a pic without a nipple slip or a slice of pizza or a pic of her as a toddler rolling her eyes.I’m really annoyed at how adorable Diplo looks in a Santa hat, but um *raises hand* question for you Diplo: Why did you choose a Santa emoji that looks so…tan?I wonder if Fetty Wap takes his cup to the soda fountain and clicks on every soda so that he has that one really gross mix and tries to convince everyone that it actually tastes good, but then he’s thinking to himself, “Fuck, why did I add Fresca? Why the fuck would I drink Fresca with Coke Zero AND Dr. Pepper? This tastes like urine. I hate everything, but I’m gonna keep smiling and sipping while I slowly destroy my insides.” Asking for a friend.Posting because I love Nicki Minaj and I love Marc Jacobs and I don’t give a fuck about your feelings on leopard print.Is this like one of those photos where you think it’s two faces, but it’s really a vase? Because I can’t tell if these are gold-plated boobs or a lion’s head.Puff is like Happy Birthday to Hov, and here’s a pic of us in expensive tuxes so everyone knows we party together.Meanwhile DJ Khaled is like Happy Birthday to Hov. Here’s a pic of us in casual clothes because everyone knows real friends wear denim and flannel together, PUFF.I can’t tell by Meek’s comment if he’s like “Ew, gross” or “ZOMG NEED!” I’m still wondering who would wear shoes with their emotions on them.Um, Game? These look comfy and you’re like everyone’s #MCM (#MeatCrushMonday), but…Rick Ross made a new friend who single-handedly will define hipster hat goals all winter.These measurements look completely off, and I’m terrified. It looks like Cee-Lo is posing like, “Oh hey this is my child Renzel. I put a beard and sunglasses on him for fun.”OMG. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes crying over how cute this photo is. This competes with those dogs greeting their owners who just got home from the military.Kim Gordon is slaying in that Rodarte jersey I will never be able to afford. Thanks for the #goals, Kim.Biebs looks like a prepubescent gymnast staring out the window like, “I wonder when Béla Károlyi will give me my big break.”Oh hey btw Ellie Goulding can fly, guys. I already knew that, but you’re all hella late.Kathy Iandoli believes she can fly, but doesn’t believe in R. Kelly. Follow her on Twitter/Instagram.
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