What Musicians Were Wearing and Sharing on Instagram This Week 8/16

So the other day I was out at a café like every other writer who attempts to “live that writer life” and sits in a café to work. I was actually trolling Facebook and Instagram, but whatever. So my cappuccino comes (so classy), and I went to take a picture of it to post (loser), and some random fucko behind me was telling his Tinder date how lame it is when people Instagram photos of their food. Now look, capps are far from food, but it made me all self-conscious even though he was the one with the underbite and combover. And then I got to thinking about this column, and if I became famous would some Noisey writer post the pic of my capp on their column. Deep fucking thots, guys. Oh and btw, I didn’t Instagram that capp pic after all, and I will forever hate that guy who inadvertently talked me out of it. I would’ve so swiped left on his ass. Anyway, check the pics.

Okay a few things. First, I really love how Drake smiles with his whole face like it’s always picture day in 1st grade. It’s endearing and makes me want to picture him naked. Ugh, now that 1st grader remark seems so inappropriate. Whoops. Oh and the other thing is Alessia Cara’s got next. And I’m not just saying that because she’s also Italian.

Stop I nearly shit myself when I saw this photo. Fetty Wap is so cute doing his little Fetty dance. Meanwhile, Taylor has that "Some of my best friends are black” face on and I want to push her off the stage. Kudos to inviting ZooVier to her set though.

Nick’s shoe game is pretty sweet for a Vegas showgirl. Are those Loubs? Do I see red peeking from the bottom? DO I?

Still biting on my wallet after seeing this photo. Beyoncé wearing Marc Jacobs for Vogue’s September issue is everything beautiful in this world. If you disagree then chances are someone has stuffed you into a locker at some point in your life or picked you last for gym class.

Ay yo, I’m about to go into concerned parent mode and advise Willow Smith that this is not the way to roll up to NASA. Your dad only played an alien slayer in the movies, doll.

Okay, Meek, which is more dangerous: this motorcycle move or starting a beef with no ammo?

Lily Allen better pass this Wu-Tang game over here now. Sidebar, she’s so magical for even playing this game.

This is how I look to myself when I buy a banana at Starbucks and eat it in public.

Cassie’s boyfriend wants you all to know how to identify a THOT.

This is how you think you look at the hookah spot when you Instagram photos of you puffing donuts with the sheesha. You really don’t though, because you’ll never be as hot as Game.

Martin Garrix is in the middle of nowhere mixing songs, and meanwhile I can’t get WiFi when I walk to the other side of my apartment.

Really J-Lo? That’s all it takes? A handwritten letter requesting a follow? Also, I looked up this kid on Instagram and his bio reads “Live, Laugh, and Slay Bitch,” so he’s the real MVP. J-Lo should’ve been writing him to request a follow.

Somehow Adam Levine has made half-naked golf look douchey. How do you do it, sir?

If any other girl on this planet took this photo, she would look so basic. But when Florence Welch takes it, it looks like a portrait that those guys sell outside of the MET for $50 or two for $75.

No seriously, is Rihanna always on vacation? Btw, that’s me on her shoulder.

And here we have Chief Keef talking to his money, because everyone else is too scared to talk to him.

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