I am not even going to try to tie this into anything. This article is a product of my horrible addiction to special offers at drive-thru restaurants, and my unfortunate love of really dumb shit. I emailed my editor asking if I could write something comparing indie rock bands to limited edition fast food items, and she replied WITHIN THE HOUR allowing me to do so. I then spent the next couple of days ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT THESE COMPARISONS IN A SERIOUS WAY, which—if you want to question the folly of your ambition, spend some time trying to think about what band best represents the McRib. (The answer is actually pretty obvious.) Please read the product of my labor below. And don’t be afraid of fast food.
PASSION PIT – TACO BELL’S DORITOS LOCOS TACOS
Something about Passion Pit’s enthusiasm and totally bananas cross-genre experimentation sorta reminds me of corporate overcompensation in the best way possible. There’s nothing like assaulting your tastebuds with way more than they can ever hope to handle! “Take a Walk” makes me think of the best parts about biting into a taco made out of Doritos.
TY SEGALL – JACK IN THE BOX’S WAFFLE BREAKFAST SANDWICH
Maybe it was because I was totally listening to Ty Segall when I first had one of these, but something about scuzzy garage-rock goes well with turning dumb shit into sandwiches. Seriously, if you forced me to listen to Ty Segall for, like, 50 hours straight, I’d probably emerge thinking putting an egg and a compressed sausage in between two waffles was a really good idea.
THE SHINS - MCDONALD’S CHIPOTLE BBQ SNACK WRAP (GRILLED)
I think this one pretty much speaks for itself.
DEATH GRIPS – KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN’S DOUBLE DOWN
The Double Down is that horrible sandwich you can buy at KFC that forgoes any bread (or any prudence) and simply sticks cheese and bacon in between two dense pieces of chicken. It has been parodied so much, I almost didn’t feel like mentioning it—except I’m pretty sure the dudes in Death Grips would be pretty stoked to eat some Double Downs. Like, I bet it’s happened before. My general profile while ingesting a Double Down is a pretty good approximation of what it is while listening to Death Grips: overwhelmed splendor and a slight bit of motion sickness.
PHOENIX – BURGER KING’S ITALIAN BREAKFAST BURRITO
I have never heard of an Italian Breakfast, and I sure as hell have never heard of an Italian Breakfast Burrito, which makes this item about as Italian as Phoenix (read: not at all Italian). Also Burger King continues to be the most boring fast food restaurant ever. Kinda like Phoenix, HEYOOOOO.
CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH – MCRIB
No comment.
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