In Honor of Today's 'Girls' Season 1 Soundtrack Release, Here are Our Season 2 Predictions

You Guys! Today, HBO released the soundtrack for season one of Girls, a full business week before season two begins! Now you don’t have to ask your friend for their parents’ password to their HBO Go app to watch every single episode before the new season begins. You can just close your eyes and listen to this musical interpretation and relive all your favorite Girls moments. Let Belle & Sebastian help you conjure images of Marnie trying to figure out if she should stay with Charlie. Be magically transported to scenic Bushwick by Sleigh Bells and Icona Pop. And even though there’s drama between them, realize how much love there is in this group, with the sounds of Grouplove. The Vaccines are there too! Plus a bunch of other exclusive tracks.

So get all hot and bothered like Marnie after a late-night rendezvous on the Highline with these season one tunes. And while you do, here are Noisey's predictions as to what will happen to all your favorite Girls characters in season two.

[Season one spoilers below]

After an open-mic night at the Knitting Factory goes horribly awry when her arch nemesis Tally Shifrin [Jenny Slate] sabotages her essay-reading by dumping a bucket of pig blood on her, Hannah finds out once and for all that she does not, in fact, have pyrokinetic powers and moves back to East Lansing. There, she marries the redheaded pharmacist, who has now set up a successful cottage industry making sizzurp (he’s like the Walter White of sizzurp—like, real primo sizzurp), and becomes a career advisor in the Communications School at Michigan State. One night, she discovers the sizzurp lab in the cellar and accidentally sets fire to it with her mind because she really does have pyrokinetic powers.

Marnie wakes up next to Thadd [Bobby Moynihan/His name was Thadd?] and is like, “Ew, what’d I do? You’re chub!” She shoos him out of her apartment, even though he knows a really good brunch place nearby. She thinks about calling what’s-his-face but doesn’t. Later, she finds out that Thadd [Thadd?!] is actually the heir to a waffle truck empire, and Marnie loves waffles! She tracks him down and apologizes, and they start dating and the whole season is her trying to figure out if she really likes him or if it’s just his waffle money. It’s just his waffle money. She leaves the show to become the next Katherine Heigl and stars in a movie where she plays the host of a cooking show who moonlights as a private detective.

Shoshanna goes to a METZ concert with Ray [Alex Karpovsky] and cheeky fish-out-of-water antics ensue. In the spirit of carpe-ing diem, she plunges herself into a mosh pit, where she catches a really sharp elbow right to the ol' noodle and gets amnesia. When she returns to her all-pink apartment, she is disgusted by the person she apparently was before, her new psyche having been reshaped by the music of METZ. She writes a book about re-inventing her life post-amnesia that critics hail as this generation’s Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Hannah reads it and tells people she’s happy for Shosh, but secretly wants to fire-burn her with her pyrokinesis.

Jessa has her baby and becomes a Park Slope mom. She gets so frustrated with her new life that she starts robbing liquor stores, with Jessa Jr. strapped to her chest in a Baby Bjorn. She becomes a really successful bandit, because she’s using her baby as a human shield. She gets caught when Marnie traps her in a waffle truck, but tells the cops that the baby made her do it and the baby goes to prison. Jessa gets off easy with 100 hours of community service, which is such a drag for a girl like Jessa. She has an Irish accent this season.

After breaking up with Hannah, Adam decides to do his weird play after all, and it’s, like, REALLY successful—people really love it. He gets cast in an ambitious Broadway revival of Chicago, in which he plays both Catherine Zeta Jones AND Bridget Zellweger Jones, and Hugh Jackman is really jealous and hates him.

Charlie (What’s-his-name, you know, from before), he, like, builds stuff, right? There was that one scene in his apartment where he built a bunk bed or something. So he builds some art pieces that get featured in the gallery that Marnie works at and it’s super awkward, because Marnie is dating Thadd (his name is still Thadd). Enter Booth Jonathan [Jorma Tacone], who is also vying for Marnie’s affection because she’s the prettiest. Booth and Charlie fight over her in the gallery, using their modern art as weapons. Thadd sells waffles to the people watching the fight, and Marnie likes that he isn’t fighting. This is before she traps Jessa in the waffle truck. After the fight, Charlie and Booth aren’t allowed to do art anymore, so they form a band that gets featured on Noisey all the time, and Noisey gets mentioned on the show a lot.

Hannah’s former boss at the law firm leaves the practice to become the new host of Family Feud.

Is just happy to be back on HBO.

Girls Soundtrack Volume 1: Music from HBO

1. Robyn- “Dancing On My Own”
2. Fun- “Sight of the Sun”
3. Harper Simon - “Wishes and Stars”
4. Santigold- “Girls”
5. White Sea- “Overdrawn”
6. Grouplove- “Everyone’s Gonna Get High”
7. Sleigh Bells- “Infinity Guitars”
8. Tegan & Sara- “Fool To Cry”
9. Icona Pop- “I Love It”
10. The Echo-Friendly- “Same Mistakes”
11. Belle & Sebastien- “I Don’t Love Anyone”
12. The Troggs- “With A Girl Like You”
13. Fleet Foxes- “Montezuma”
14. Oh Land- “White Nights”
15. Generationals- “Yours Forever”
16. The Vaccines- “Wreckin’ Bar (Ra Ra Ra)”
17. Lia Ices- “Love Is Won”
18. Michael Penn- “On Your Way”

Follow David Bailey on Twitter - @theringadingkid