Drake-Hate has become the most played out meme in hip-hop. It seems I can't go a day without someone sending our emosh-bro some abuse in a hashtag – but what for? Most of his critics couldn’t tell you why without mud slinging, not even Big Ghostfase can really slate him and not look butthurt. So without further ado, Drizzy, this smudged eyeliner is for you, bro!
Most of Drake’s detractors jump on the fact that he dares to get a bit G-motional; they mock him for injecting a bit of vulnerability into hip-hop’s hyper-hetero sausage fest. But how does all this talk of stacks, gats and hoez relate to my life experience? When I’m weeping into a flirtini because my babymama won’t talk to me, I want Drake there holding my hand. It takes character to drop your ego like Drake does, and admit to an ex that you feel empty without her and just want to be back spooning while sniffing her hair.
But if it's needless aggression you're after, don't forget Drizzy's earned himself a free pass to cry a river, when he flung a bottle of champagne at Chris Brown’s face. If that hasn’t endeared Degrassi Drizzy to you even just a little bit, I don't know what will.
And what about the well-publicized spat with Common? The man who took a tactical swipe at Drake’s candor on "Sweet", to build some hype before the release of his new album. The official line was that Common thought hip-hop was getting "soft". But the unofficial line was Common wasn’t too happy about Drizzy playing "tennis" with his ex, Serena Williams. C'mon son, why do you think men dwarf women in suicide demographics? Don’t be a statistic, open your heart, put on "Take Care" and let it all out.
Whatever the full story, when Drake eventually responded to the bear-baiting, he kinda shut the argument down with his verse on "Stay Schemin'". Wanna hear about all my money and bitches, instead of how I like to write my thoughts and feelings in my Moleskine journal at night? Well here you go Common:
Meanwhile, the keyboard warriors that slate Drake with anonymous grunts of "lol ur gay" have problems of their own. Obsessing over the hetero-ness of another man doesn’t make you more of an alpha male bro. You can take that tip for nothing from angsty hip-hop pastor DMX, who vividly illustrated this attitude when he slated Drake on radio:
“I don’t like anything about Drake. I don’t like his fucking voice, I don’t like his face, I don’t like his haircut”.
You don't like his haircut? Really. This is also the guy who flipped the fuck out when he heard the title of Lil B's I'm Gay album. The lady doth protest too much maybe?
So, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things I don’t like about Drake, namely shit sweaters and the dissonance of a rapper that graduated from Degrassi (LOL), but hopping aboard that stuttering "soft nugga" bandwagon reeks of insecurity. After all, this is a man said to have the capability of “turnin’ sand paper into moist towelettes wit the touch of his hands” – and that could never, ever, be a weakness.
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.