We haven’t heard much from John Frusciante since he quit Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2008 and blessed us with The Empyrean the following year. I like to think that he’s been sitting on a California porch caved with palm trees strumming some beat-up electric guitar, chord hanging down through his knees, unplugged, screaming perfectly.
But guess what! Following nearly two years of no Frusciante-related news, this week it leaked that he’s releasing an EP, Letur Lefr (whatever that means), in July. In true Frusciante fashion, he will be releasing Letur Lefr on cassette (along with other more-accessible formats). Thank Frusciante! I need some new lyrics to drool over.
When Frusciante screams, I see God. Frusciante is God. God is Frusciante. That’s how much I love his music, his voice, and his guitar style, him in general. I love Frusciante the way an obsessive teenager loves Justin Bieber, except with an element of I-respect-your-songs-as-much-as-your-sex-appeal added to my fandom.
My obsession with John happened on tour a few years ago. I had just finished reading Anthony Kiedis’ self-indulgent biography, Scar Tissue. After nearly 500 pages of Kiedis’ make-out session with his own ego, John seemed vaguely appealing. I got a hold of all his solo albums, watched every video I could, and read everything available. I even wrote a song about him. I couldn’t get enough. I still can’t.
When I die, I hope heaven is a plush, white bed with John on one side and me on the other. He’ll sing and I'll listen. We won’t even talk. I’m too nervous to talk, even in heaven.
In honor of his return to the modern world of music, I have compiled a list of my favorite Frusciante moments. A Frusciante spank-bank, if you will. Just kidding. Not.
"Your Pussy's Glued To A Building On Fire" (Live)
For a long time after he kicked a brutal heroin and cocaine addiction, John only wore long sleeves on stage to cover up his scarred-up arms. Most people think the scars were a result of erratic freebasing, which led to him burning himself and his house, but that’s wrong. The scars are just a build-up of tissue from years of him incorrectly injecting drugs. You remember that Dutch special they did on him in the early 90’s, right? John is holed up in his dump of an LA mansion, thin as an Olsen twin, talking about junky dreams no one will understand. The performance is short, but powerful.
Fit of Anger, 1991
These are the kinds of interviews that make me believe that Kiedis would tell you he wants to “make love” and then, aggressively jam his flaccid dick into your mouth, where as John may say “I’m going to fuck you,” but he’d make sure you got off too.
Funky Monks Fisting Talk (Skip To 2:27)
John was really young when he joined his favorite rock band, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Imagine that? You fan on a band one minute, then the next you are their new guitar player. Where is the bridge between these gaps? No wonder he fell so hard. In this clip, John is telling a story about watching a girl getting fisted while on a break from recording Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Here you have John, spread eagle with a cane hanging on his shoulder, trying to impress his older bandmates with a sexually charged story. Kiedis loves it, you can tell, but Mr. Big Cheese has to belittle John by making a dumb joke and taking off like he’s too good for the story. You know he walked away jealous he didn’t see the black pussy hole.
Explaining How "Under The Bridge" Is A Rip-Off Of T-Rex and Bowie
He’s so I-don’t-give-a-fuck. He’s even explaining the chords. Like the audience even asked, but they love it. He could charm the pants off of a nun.
Redirecting An Interview On A Canal
This VPRO documentary about RHCP is really long and really good. A good interview means you draw stuff out of your subject that is beyond the usual PR bullshit. This reporter got it here. I’m sure if he had told John he didn’t like one of his songs today, John would have just shrugged. But in this clip, he’s young and eager, so instead of shrugging when the reporter tells him he doesn’t like the song “Funky Monks,” John pesters him why, then gives him the entire back story of how the song was written while also calling out the fact that Kiedis cannot play the guitar, like, at all.
Guitar Solo In A Red Skirt
Okay, even I’m embarrassed at the amount of times I have watched this video because if ANY OTHER MAN ON EARTH EVER DID THESE KINDS OF MOVES WITH A GUITAR STRAPPED TO HIM I WOULD BECOME A LESBIAN ON PRINCIPLE. How does he pull it off?
On Why He Likes Cats
“I need to be able to hear music clearly,” said God. “When dogs bark it really drives me crazy.” So, we killed all the dogs.
Ace of Base's Secret Nazi Past
Before he founded Ace of Base, Ulf Ekberg was a member of Commit Suiside, a Nazi punk band.
Parquet Courts - "Light Up Gold Road Trip" (Full Documentary)
In this new documentary, Noisey follows rising indie rockers Parquet Courts from Mexico to Texas and London as they tour to support their debut LP, 'Light Up Gold.'
Yung Lean Doer Is the Weirdest 16-Year-Old White Swedish Rapper You'll Hear This Week
Yung Lean raps over pillow-fluffy beats and raps about glory holes and Arizona Iced Tea. Who the fuck is this kid? And why is he like this?
Adam Ant - The British Masters, Chapter 6
Noisey's John Doran talks with the great post-punk pop star Adam Ant about tribal body mods and layering tape.
Photos: Taking Acid at Coachella
When Paley sent these photos in, she included a nice little caveat over email that we've decided to reprint here in full, not only because it's too good to edit, but because her photographs of her and her weird buddies riding the snake are some of the best
R.I.P. Storm Thorgerson (1944-2013)
On Thursday, the hyper-talented graphic designer, artist, and famed album cover creator Storm Thorgerson passed away after a battle with cancer. He was 69 years old.
The Internet Is Scary
As of six months ago, my Facebook fanpage is like a dojo where hormonal teenagers hone their technique. Here is a heartfelt poem from some kid who wants to rape, kill, and marry me.
I Accidentally Touched Little Richard's Butt One Time
It was in the Detroit airport. After it happened Little Richard said, "He graze my derriere."
Listen to St. Lucia's Remix of The Colourist's "Little Games"
Last month, Cali quartet the Colourist released "Little Games," and St. Lucia just pulled a warm Balearic blanket over the whole thing, sanding away its rough edges with bright synths and lightly gated percussion.
Aaron Montaigne, Godfather of Screamo, is More Interesting Than You Can Ever Hope to Be - Part Two
On surviving combat in Iraq and Afghanistan with the help of magic, 'Bladerunner,' and everything in between.