Photo via wtfismikewearing
Here's a fun game: imagine you're the absolute best at a very specific thing, to the point where your relentless pursuit of perfection in that field renders you unable to process human emotion or focus on other things. You lose control of your life because to so many people, your perfection is a representation of something much, much bigger than you. Because of the enormous pressure on you to represent something ineffable, you hold your competition in contempt, turning even the most miniscule sleights against you into reasons for legendary grudges. You lose the ability to feel love or even make basic human connections because when you do the thing you're best at, you transcend humanity. Your return to the thing you were meant to do will be documented by Space Jam. Your ability to muster true human compassion is dampened.
Congratulations, you just felt how it felt to be Michael Jordan for more than twenty years! Anyways, Michael Jordan is older now, and in addition to being a notoriously questionable dresser, the 50 year-old divorcée is giving marriage another shot. Jordan married longtime girlfriend Yvette Prieto, a 35 year-old former model, in a 500-person private ceremony at Bethesda-by-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Palm Beach, Florida, and held a 1,500-person reception at the Bears Club, a golf course designed by Jack Nicklaus in Juniper Florida.
What's weird is that everyone who's reporting on this is burying the lede of this story, which is that Usher performed at Jordan's wedding reception. Think about that for a second. URSHER. JORDAN. What did he play? I'm guessing the first dance was to "U Got It Bad," and at some point Ush definitely did "Yeah," because "Yeah" is going to get played at every single wedding until the sun explodes whether Usher is at that wedding or not. Is Usher even able to go to a wedding any more without someone asking him to perform? I feel like Usher would start to get deeply suspicious of his friends inviting him to weddings, because since he's a famous entertainer he can never know if someone is being genuine about wanting him to come to their wedding or if they just want him there so he'll feel pressure to sing "Yeah" and "U Got It Bad." Such is the burden of being Ush.
The reception entertainment also included the slightly left field performers MC Lyte, Robin Thicke, and K'Jon, who you probably haven't heard of because you don't listen to Adult Contemporary R&B.
Drew Millard has not had a cup of coffee in nine days. He's on Twitter - @drewmillard