Hang on to Your Ego: Rock's Most Bizarre Signature Guitars

Let's face it, guitar playing and ego go hand-in-hand, like Seagram's and Dimebag Darrell (who we'll get into later), so it should only follow that epitome of ego is having your own signature guitar that you've customized in every single way from the pickguard to the paint job. In honor of that, we thought we'd list some of our favorite Signature axes ranging from the badass to the just frankly weird.

Steve Vai has described the instrument listed above as "the guitar of my dreams," so apparently he fantasizes about my grandmother's wallpaper pattern. OK. One of the signature aspects of this line (which has been in production since 1987) is the "Monkey Grip" handle which allows you to carry the guitar around without a case, although we're not sure why you would want to do that with anything that's suggested retail price is almost five grand. Then again, if you're dropping that much on an axe, you'll want to show off the "iconic floral pattern." Right, Grandma?

One cool thing about Signature guitars is the way that they can mark certain musical eras and case in point is the Reb Beach Voyager. If you're under 40, chances are you don't know who Beach is so we'll save you a Google search and let you know he was the guitarist in Whitesnake and Winger, two bands that history has not been kind to. On Beach's site he describes that he designed the guitar "on the back of a napkin on a plane flight when I'd had a bit to drink!" but we have to admit that while that anecdote is far from shocking, this guitar, while inherently '80s, still looks pretty unique. Almost unique enough to forget that Winger's biggest hit was an ode to pedophilia called "Seventeen."

Few axes are more recognizable than Diamond Darrell's pointy signature Dean based on the axe he won as a teenager at a guitar competition in Texas that he had a friend customize with the iconic lightning bolt finish. (Ironically, legend has it that his father bought him a Dean the morning of the competition before he won but that one had a Sunburst finish). Darrell also had his friend install a Floyd Rose tremolo on the axe which came in handy for pinch harmonic squeals he would utilize on future Pantera classics such as "Cemetery Gates." Sure, this guitar is a little awkward to play sitting down but if you're not standing up and headbanging while using this guitar, well, you're just doing it wrong. Sorry.

At first glance the Yngwie Malmsteen signature Stratocaster looks like every other Strat a.k.a. the one in Wayne's World. However, look closer and you'll see that the frets are "scalloped," meaning carved out like a half-pipe. Why? We were afraid you would ask that. The accepted reason is that the lack of pressure allows the fleet-fingered shredder to play even faster than usual but ultimately a lot of people say that it makes techniques like hammer-ons, pull-offs, or just staying in tune to be far more difficult. Speaking of which, if you're feeling extra ambitious go for the double neck version—although you should know up front that it doesn't come with two penises. We checked.

If there's one thing that Avenged Sevenfold's guitarist Synyster Gates loves it isn't make-up, Metallica, or matte black nail polish. It's sustain. OK, in all fairness, he probably loves that other stuff too, but his custom axe sports the Sustainac Drive/pick up that functions either as a regular humbuckler or a secret weapon that creates infinite sustain via vibrations caused by electromagnetic feedback. In other words, when you're ripping a solo, you can let a note ring out forever… or if you bought this guitar, until your mom comes down to the basement and says it's time for you to study for your algebra test.

Don't get us wrong, metalheads aren't the only musicians with custom guitars and the Al Di Meola Prism is a colorful example that jazz nerds also like to get in on the fan worship action. In case you were wondering, "prism" is just a fancy way of saying "tie-dye" but if you can get past the paint job, this is actually an insanely well-crafted and beautiful guitar with a double cutaway and a toggle switch located down near the bridge so it won't interfere with the arpeggios you're ripping during your next high school jazz band practice. Hey, it could be worse, you could be in show choir.

As you can probably tell from this article, most signature guitars eventually go on to look pretty dated but not the Jag-Stang, a hybrid of the Fender Jaguar and Mustang. While the guitar is a little bit awkward looking, it's far more playable than most of the instruments featured in this column and sports the short scale neck that allowed Cobain to stretch between frets and craft songs that still sound inventive today. It's also incredibly easy to smash, which came in handy when Nirvana's frontman engaged in his now legendary onstage theatrics. Unfortunately these days these axes are about as easy to find as an original pressing of Bleach, so your next best best is the Cobain Signature Jaguar. Third is the J. Mascis Jazzmaster, which brings this article full circle when you consider that Mascis actually looks like our grandmother these days.