Fuck, Marry, Kill: Jay-Z, Ed Sheeran and Kasabian's SergeBy Omar Katerji
Asking the Hackney crowd whose genitalia they would prefer to fondle.
It was the Radio 1 Hackney Weekend last weekend. Basically, I think it was some contrived event based around The Olympics and possibly, the riots. Anyway, we celebrated by asking who, out of the three biggest gentlemen stars on show, would the audience fuck, marry, and kill? Jay Z, Ed Sheeran, or Kasabian #lad, Sergio Pizzorno?
Rowena, 22, London
Noisey: Hi Rowena, Who would you fuck, marry and kill out of Ed Sheeran, Jay-Z and Serge from Kasabian?
Rowena: I’d fuck Kasabian all at the same time, marry Ed Sheerian…
Vicky, 23 and Gabrielle, 25, London
Noisey: Hey guys, who would you fuck…
Gabrielle: Professor Green. Professor Green!
I haven’t even finished the question yet.
Gabrielle: I don’t care. Pro Green.
Right. Well thanks for that. But the question is who would you fuck, marry or kill out of Ed Sheeran, Jay-Z and Serge from Kasabian?
Vicky: Who? Ed. I’d marry Ed. Nah, I’d marry Jay-Z, fuck Ed Sheeran. And the other one, whatever.
What has Serge ever done to you?
Vicky: I don’t know who he is.
He's the Leicester Monkey. From Kasabian.
Gabrielle: I’ve heard of them, but he always looks out of his nut, so he’s no good to me. Why are we even talking to you?
I was asking myself that same question. Why would you marry Jay-Z?
Vicky: He’s rich.
Is that all you need in a man?
Vicky: Yeah, he’s not a good looking bloke, he’s just rich.
Esther, 19, Bristol.
Noisey: If you had to fuck, marry and kill one of Jay-Z, Ed Sheeran, and Serge from Kasabian, who would you choose?
Esther: Well I’d fuck Jay-Z coz he’s fit. He’s alright isn’t he? He’ll do.
Danny, 20, Carlisle.
Who would you fuck, marry and kill out of Jay-Z, Ed Sheeran and Serge from Kasabian?
I’d probably fuck Serge. He’s like middle fitness compared to the others though, because Ed Sheeran is just dirty.
Georgia, 16, Berkshire.
Noisey: Hi Georgia. Can I have a chip? Who would you fuck, marry and kill out of Jay-Z, Ed Sheeran and Serge from Kasabian?
Georgia: Ed Sheeran, because I love gingers. I’d marry Jay-Z. And yes, you can have a chip.
Letty, 21, London
Noisey: Who would you marry out of Jay-Z, Kasabian’s Sergio Pizzorno, and ginger crooner Ed Sheeran?
Letty: Jay-Z, gotta marry Jay-Z. Just look at Beyonce, if I’m anything like Beyonce I’d like to marry Jay-Z. Have you seen this booty?
Anna, 25, Streatham.
Noisey: Ed Sheeran, Jay-Z and Serge from Kasabian – who would you fuck, who would you marry and who would you kill?
Anna: I’d probably fuck Jay-Z because he’s such a bad boy and he’s got it going on. He’s such a big man.
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