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Music

Danko Jones Doesn’t Drink, But When He Does It’s With Motörhead’s Lemmy

Rocker Danko Jones opens up about enduring the seven hells of temptation with the legendary Motörhead member.

Photo courtesy of Henri Clausel

While he's far from a straight edge sermonizer, rocker Danko Jones latest album Fire Music features a semi-autobiographical song called "Getting Into Drugs" about a recent adventure smoking a joint ("I spent the whole night freaking out," he says)—booze and blunts have never held much appeal to him. "I just grew up that way," Jones says. "I never had an inkling for it. I was an impressionable kid and when I discovered straight edge it became cool to me to wear it on my sleeve. "I listened to all the bands associated with the movement like Youth Of Today, Minor Threat, all that stuff. But I didn't really identify as straight edge, I just saddled next to it. Although I'm not exactly squeaky clean; I've experimented with drugs and stuff ."

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With that said, there's only one person in the world who can consistently get Danko to drink booze: Motörhead's Lemmy Kilmister. According to Jones, when Kilmister offers to share a drink it isn't about forcing the sauce down your throat. "It's not peer pressure so much as it is a great feeling of acceptance from someone I look up to," he says. "I respect that offer and I don't take it lightly. I do know that he's a fan of our band. He's helped our band out more so than other bands, in fact he's gone out of his way to help us out. You basically want to do anything you can to please Lemmy, to be in his good graces." Jones and his bassist John Calabrese (J.C.) met Kilmister for the first time in London in 2003 through the band's U.K. publicist. Since then, Jones has knocked back jack and cokes with the [Nazi memorabilia](http://www.theguardian.com/music/2008/jul/11/news.culture shorts) collecting, short-shorts wearing, triple blowjob fainting victim on three separate occasions. And this is his story.

First round—London, UK

We're hanging outside the bar after the show and Lemmy goes, "Let's split. There's a party I know where we can go." So me and my bassist J. C. just look at each other like "Yeah, let's go." We hail a cab and apparently it was a premiere party for the Jackass movie. So he's telling us story after story like when [Thin Lizzy's] Brian Robertson was in Hawkwind and I'm just soaking it up because the Jackass party was terrible. Johnny Knoxville wasn't there. Steve-O wasn't there. It was just a bunch of people who wanted to watch the movie. So after hanging out for a bit Lemmy goes, "Want to go to a club that I know?"

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So we end up at this gentleman’s club/strip joint called Stringfellows, out in London and of course when he walks in they all know who he is. We're Lemmy's hanger-ons so we get treated well. So we're at the bar and I don't drink so I don't know how to place an order. Lemmy looks at me and he goes, "What do you want?" I pause for a moment and remember an old girlfriend of mine once said, "Order a rum and coke. You like Coca-Cola." So I just go, "Rum and coke?" And Lemmy goes again, "What do you want to order?" And I say again, "Rum and coke?" But he keeps asking me and then J. C. steps in and says, "Just say Jack and coke." So after being asked four times, I say jack and coke. He nods, then turns around and orders it. I'm like, "Jesus Christ, I'm fucking blowing it."

Anyways we're just sitting at this strip joint and Lemmy goes to J. C., "Who do you like?" Just bass player talk, bonding and what not and I'm like the odd man out. So J. C. goes, "him, her… " lists some names. Out of nowhere, Lemmy pulls out a wad of cash for J. C. so he can go get a lap dance or something. That just leaves me and Lemmy together, and I’m going a little bit crazy. I mean I just met this guy, he's like a fucking icon. What do you say? "Yeah, so, are you having fun in London?" So I'm looking around the room trying to find something to talk about and then I say, "Y'know, I really like it when the girls wear the schoolgirl outfits." I'm just making small talk. Not even a second later, Lemmy brings her over; the girl that made me think of school girls. To be honest, I didn't even really want a lapdance but you don’t say no to Lemmy. So he begins throwing money down and I get the lap dance and I was just like, I just know this is a life experience where you have to go through with everything that happens. At the end of the night he gives J. C. his Ace of Spades business card. And to this day that's still something J. C. considers valuable to him. I mean Lemmy's business card is an ace of spades who else has that? It's fucking awesome. I didn't get one, by the way.

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Second round — Nürnberg, Germany

Photo via Flickr user Teresa Sedó

The second time we see him is at Rock im Park festival and Lemmy wants to see us after that night at Stringfellows [nightclub]. So here we are about to go on stage, Lemmy is side stage, the intro music is about to play, and he gives me a shot of jack and coke again. I'm such a tight-ass about drinking so the first thing that goes through my head is, "I don't really partake in any drinking before we go onstage. I like to go on stage clear mind… " Then my inner voice just says, "Take the fucking drink." So I took a little sip and we went onstage. Everybody who was there at the time; that guy who was going out with Amy Winehouse, there was The Libertines, The Datsuns, Yellowcard, us, that was the lineup. The Libertines and The Datsuns were both there probably going, "Who are these guys that Lemmy's brought in here? They're not in NME. We're in NME. Who are these guys?" But I'd like to think I made Lemmy proud this time.

Third round — Tilburg, Holland

The third time was when we were the main supporting band for Motörhead's tour in Holland in Tilburg. I walked by Lemmy's dressing room and he goes, "Hey!" I walk in and it's just me, him and his bass tech, Tim [Butcher]. "Hey Lemmy, how ya doing man?," I say back. But what he doesn't know is that this time I'm fucking ready. I know what I'm getting into. Jack and coke. So he hands me a drink and more than half of the cup is Jack Daniels with about a shot glass' worth of Coca-Cola. So I think I had two medium sized drinks, basically all Jack and a little bit of cola, I'm not even sure. I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking and I couldn't hold it in as well as somebody who does drink. And Lemmy wasn't treating me like a lightweight, he was treating me like a peer, like anyone else on the tour who could drink. So I start drinking and we start talking, and this is five, six years after I first met him so I'm comfortable with him now. There's a method to his madness: Every night, he plays his slot machine thing that he has and he reads war novels until it's time to soundcheck and then it's time to play. That's all he does, which is pretty fucking amazing. But back to my story.

So again this time I'm like, "I'm not going to blow it. I'm going to go toe-to-toe, head-to-head with Lemmy. I'm going to bro down." And so I can hear the strains from upstairs and hear the kick drum (from our soundcheck) and I go, "You know what? I gotta go… we got soundcheck upstairs." I get up and I almost fall over. Like blackout. Lemmy and his tech guy, Tim just start laughing, going, "I think maybe you should stay a little longer." But I refused. Somehow, I mustered the strength to go upstairs for the soundcheck but by then I was just trashed. I didn't even realize how hammered I was until I started telling people what to set up and I could sense my band going, "What the fuck are you on, man?" I mean I was all over the place just randomly saying, "Hey guys! This is great! I was just hangin' with Lemmy downstairs!" And my guys know me well enough to realize I never do that. They know me as the guy who's dragging his heels to the stage going, "Soundcheck? Again?" But here I am going, "That is amazing! I fucking love this guitar!" But even with all of that our performance ended on a good note. The show went well—I don't know how long it was, whether it was half an hour or an hour—but it was a good chunk of time. It was great. Lemmy was nothing but great to our band the whole time we toured. Even now, every time we run into those guys they're still nothing but nice to us. It's almost to the point where I want to ask, "You guys are ten times better than us. Why do you want to hang out with us?" But hey, Lemmy is an icon so I'm not complaining.

Aaron Brophy is currently on a 24-hour jack and coke diet. — @AaronJJBrophy