Brostep, complextro, gutterwomp, smegmastep – whatever Americans are calling it these days, it’s patently clear that dubstep isn’t going to stop expanding into fresh sub-genres any time soon. Every time critics get ready to write it off as 2-step’s stillborn child, someone finds a new sound to paste over with the sweet melody of chainsaws attempting auto-fellatio, and a resurrection occurs. That sound could be literally anything: a quote from Snatch, a conversation about the dangers of mephedrone, a dude asking where his monkey went – it doesn’t matter. It’s this simple formula that makes dubstep such a rich and fertile genre. It also made it inevitable that, at some point, someone was going to add wub-wubs to The Bible.
Like poverty, famine and #CutForBieber, you might think of dubstep as something that disproves the existence of a benevolent God in our reality. But with its ecstatic build-ups, epiphanic drops, and affinity with homophobic Americans, there really isn’t any dance music sub-genre that’s more suited to Christianity. You might be able to swing a black preacher’s soulful sermon over a naughty 4-to-the-floor, but — let’s be real — house is clearly too gay for Catholics.
Nay, the Lord has spoken, and he has done so through womps. I didn’t want to miss the rise of a hot new genre like I did with electro-swing, so I thought I’d get in early and review the best Christian dubstep albums before any other music critic. Hallelujah!
Matthew Parker – "Meet Your Maker"
Matthew Parker has gotten a lot of hype ever since he collaborated with Christian T. Dubstep on “Life”, one of the first and best abortion-step tracks. His verse is profound:
“Life is big it’s something you don’t play with, but babies are being annihilated / It’s called abortion, the American holocaust, we didn’t fight a war but millions of lives are lost”.
And then that stanky drop. In addition to having a face that could make any girl rethink their celibacy vow, Parker’s debut album Meet Your Maker is filled with deeply spiritual tracks like “Christ is my King” and “He Died to Give Me Life.” And then there's this from his Facebook: “Hey. I'm a guy who makes (rockin' cool) music. God has given me a life and the talents to make music. He deserves my praise. So I will praise Him with the talents He has given me. In other words, I want to glorify God with my music.” What a guy.
5 / 5 stars
FBJr. – "Last Minute"
Francis Balogh Jr. (a.k.a. FBJr.) is one of the hottest Christian dubstep DJs to come out of Hungary this year. He says his music is “made for the younger generation, though anybody might revel in it.” Personally I like to revel in his track “Mighty Designer,” because nothing gets me more pumped up for a filthy bass drop than lyrics like “He is the creator of the heavens and the earth / He is the mighty, mighty designer.”
If you couldn’t clock it from the title, the whole album is about our “last minutes” before the coming Apocalypse. In FBJr.’s own words: “The old man sells tickets until the very last moment but when the sirens and everything get silent, he won’t be waiting any longer. You’d better get on with him and get away before the storm arrives. It is not sure Bruce Willis will save you.”
4 / 5 stars
Kronicles – "Illuminate"
Who hasn’theard of Kronicles and their crazy fans, the “Kronies”, by now? Technically they’re “Christian rockstep” – a genre they invented – but their holy drops earned them a place on this list. What I love about these guys is their totally wacky sense of humor. If you click here you can see a video of Ant getting a pie to the face (You guys know who Ant is right? The cute one from Kronicles??) Their best track is definitely "I Need You".
These guys are clearly destined for greatness (and salvation), but their album is a little too secular for my liking. I appreciate the religious connotations of calling the album Illuminate, but where’s the anti-abortion message? Where’s the gay-bashing? Also – it has to be said – these guys sometimes play at non-Christian festivals. Who knows what goes on there? There might even be people putting drugs inside of their mouths!
3 / 5 stars
Re5a – "Triune"
Re5a broke onto the Christian dance music scene with his trap single “My God is So Fresh,” but he’s been moving back to Christ-step ever since. One of the hottest new artists to come from G & D Records (the guys who brought us Christian dubstep giants Oiwolf and Onnyx), Re5a shows us that it’s OK to be clean in such a drug-driven environment.
His album Triune is a reference to the Holy Trinity, and his name (pronounced “Reza”) is the Spanish word for “pray”. In his own words: “In this EP I created a reggae sub-bass flow of beats that invites you to have a chill yet aggressive way of worshiping Jesus through dance and music.”
4 / 5 stars
Graphite412 – "Lux Aeterna: Sounds for Sojourners Enlisted in Heaven"
Graphite412 is the least-known artist on this list, although his remix of “Only Jesus” got pretty big in Christian circles last year. But with all the Christian dubstep on the radio these days, it’s nice to hear something a little bit different, y'know? Graphite412 calls himself “Christian dronestep,” like the heavy synths and wobble of T-Polar, but with the added warmth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ
4 / 5 stars
W.O.W. Words of Wisdom Records – "Christian Dubstep"
If you’re new to Christian Dubstep this is a great compilation to get started from the guys over at the illustrious Words of Wisdom Records. And with such subtle and artistic cover work, it's pretty easy to see how people are drawn in. The best track is, without a doubt, “O Praise Him”.