Chris Brown vs. Drake - Celebrity Boxing
Every musical generation tends to get the musical feud it deserves. Broken home Gen Xers wound up with heroes who did their bickering via children. The alpha males of the Britpop boys club teased each other with vaguely homophobic playground insults. Tupac and Biggie did their fighting with guns and now, in 2012, Drake and Chris Brown are doing theirs with bottles of champagne and Instagram.
Just as the shockwaves from the harrowing images of Breezy's grazed chin had begun to die down, along came celebrity boxing promoter Damon Feldman offering a cool nine mill to the winner of a high-profile bout between the pair. Which is pretty tempting, especially given that even the loser would stand to earn a minimum of $1m.
So, will the two R&B stars throw down again, this time without being screened by their security teams? Does anybody really care? We went down to Drake day at London’s Wireless festival to ask the crowd their opinion on the whole sordid affair.
Who are you here to see, Sophie?
Sophie, 18, Wimbledon: The Weeknd, but I’m missing him because I got squashed in the crowd and I thought I was gonna faint.
Nice. What are your thoughts on the Chris Brown vs. Drake fight?
I think that Chris Brown is a right dickhead, but that Drake is a proper pussy as well.
So you've got split loyalties. Who do you think would win?
Chris Brown, because Drake is a pussy.
Why is Drake a pussy?
Because he hid behind his bouncer.
If you could organize your own celebrity boxing match, who would you choose?
Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj would win. She's a better bitch.
Who are you here to see today?
Ross, 26, Enfield: It's all about Rita Ora and Drake, you know. Rita Ora is looking TOO hot these days.
Right. What do you think of all this Chris Brown vs. Drake nonsense?
It's all good. Chris Brown had it coming.
Who would win a fight between the two?
Drake, of course.
He would stomp on him. STOMP on him.
Kirsty, 25, Twickenham (left) and Kelsa, 23, London.
Kirsty: Before you ask, we don’t really listen to much black music…
Er, OK. Thanks for the heads-up. What are your thoughts on the Drake vs. Chris Brown fight?
I just think like, what’s the point? In the beginning, I think Chris Brown kind of sent a peace offering to Drake, right? Well he shouldn’t have done that, because he was looking for trouble. And trouble's what he got. I don’t think it was very big of him, really.
Yeah, bloody peace offerings, always lead to trouble, don’t they? Have you heard there's a boxing promoter trying to set up a $10million fight between the two of them?
Kelsa: Yeah, I think Drake would win.
Kirsty: Yeah, blatantly. He’s way bigger.
Heena, 29, London (left) and Simran, 28, London.
Hi guys, who are you excited to see the most today?
Great. What are your thoughts on the Chris Brown vs. Drake match up?
Heena: I dunno, I can't believe Chris Brown uploaded that picture on Instagram. It was really lame, he put like, black and white effects on it. And he’s black anyway.
What about that guy that is trying to schedule a boxing match between them?
Yeah, I heard about that yesterday. Go Chris Brown!
Simran: Oh my god, Drake is not going to win. Chris Brown hit Rihanna, therefore he’s got experience.
I'm not sure that's experience which is gonna be massively useful in this situation...
Heena: Chris Brown is the man. Trust me, he is the man!
If you could choose any two musicians to…
Rita Ora and 50 Cent.
Because he’s really big and has a massive tattoo on his back and she might like it and they might end up having sex.
Simran: I think the same, but with Rihanna thrown in, too.
You guys scare me a little :(
Freddy, 18, London (left) and his silent friend.
Hey, what’s your name and where do you come from?
Freddy: I’m Freddy, I’m from fuckin’ London, and I’m ‘avin it. I’m 18.
OK. Are you aware of the Drake vs. Chris Brown beef?
Course I am.
What do you think?
All day long. Sick.
Who do you think would win?
Drake. 'Cause he is mental. And he’s sitting on 25 mill. All day, all night.
If you could choose two musicians to fight each other, who would they be, who would win and why?
Drake and Wiz Khalifa, they're both sick. And it’s Draaaaaaaaaake with the victory. Slammer jammer!
Thanks very much.
All day long. Sittin’ under the trees on ma knees sellin’ beans.
What do you think of the Drake vs. Chris Brown fight?
Sophie, 19, London: I think it’s brilliant.
Have you heard a boxing promoter has offered them a total of $10 million to have a fight? Who do you think would win and why?
Chris Brown would win, he has already beat up Rihanna before so maybe he’d be quite good at that. I don’t know.
Why do people keep saying that? OK, if you could stage your own celebrity grudge match, who would your fighters be?
Jay-Z against Tyga. That would be so funny to watch. Tyga is so small he would just get taken down so easily.
William, 25 (left) and Ashley, 26; both from Preston.
Have you heard of the Drake vs. Chris Brown fight?
William: I’m dressed as Captain fookin’ America.
Ashley: I’m here at Wireless dressed as Spiderman.
Cool, I can see that. But what are your thoughts on the Drake vs. Chris Brown fight? Who would win?
William: Drake. He’s playing here, so if I don’t say that he’ll kick my ass.
Don't worry, I'll see that it doesn't get back to him. If you could organize your own celebrity fight, who would you pick?
William: I'd say Dre and 50.
Who do you think would win that?
William: Dre. 50’s all muscle and fuck all else. He’s all testosterone and steroids.
I was standing out by Oxford Street as Drake was finishing off his set. A man in a little white van showed up and started projecting a Chris Brown advert on the side of Marble Arch. When I asked what he was doing, it turns out he WASN'T a vigilante Breezy fan (shocker) but had actually been employed by Sony. Record labels trying to rake in more money from controversy? Oh, you guyz!
Turn Up to Keys N Krates' Diplo & Friends Mix
Occasionally, we the at Noisey will kindly request that you drop whatever you're doing and turn the goddamn motherfuck up. Now is one of those times.
Meet Amos: The Man Who Designs Moog's Wonderful Toys
Moogfest takes place in North Carolina this Wednesday and boasts a lineup including M.I.A., Giorgio Moroder, Kraftwerk, Dan Deacon and many more. So we talked to the man who dreams up synths.
I Went to Bogotá in Colombia For Festival Estéreo Picnic and Danced For Days
Noisey ditched North America for South to eat endless empanadas, catch up with Julian Casablancas backstage, get winded while dancing to Phoenix and find out more about Colombia's music scene.
Give Life Back to Fhqwhgads
How a Strong Bad/Daft Punk mash-up album helped bring out the magic in 'Random Access Memories.'
HEARTSREVOLUTION Talk Pop Culture, Feminism, and Michael Jackson's Crystals
"This is our love letter to this generation. It’s an invitation to a conversation…"
Behind the Lens: Sky Ferreira Is Not Racist
Discussing Sky Ferreira's video for "I Blame Myself" with director Grant Singer.
Lifting the Curse off Necrophobic, Swedish Death Metal's Forgotten Sons
After years of misfortune and tragedy, the overlooked band Necrophobic might finally be catching a break.
For Absolutely No Reason, Here Are Musicians' Favorite Snacks Today, April 20
Albert Hammond Jr., Curtis Williams of Two-9, Brendan Kelly of The Lawrence Arms and others share some snacks they just happen to like.
The Weirdest Records of All Time
Featuring earthquake recordings, records pressed with diarrhea, and breastfeeding soundtracks.
Get Blazed and Make Some Custom Weed-Themed GIFs of Wiz Khalifa, Ty Dolla $ign, B.O.B. or Classified for 4/20
Are you high right now? Then you'll love making a GIF.