Reviews

Brian Eno's "Lux" Is Full Of Caucacity In A Mostly Good Way

By The Kid Mero

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[Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS. Most importantly, he's our new Reviews Editor over at Noisey. He sent us an all-caps email threatening to "GENTLY KARATE CHOP [US] IN THE BREAST" if we changed any part of his reviews, so we'll be running them unedited on a daily basis from here on out.]

THIS DUDE DOES "I'M THINKING ABOUT KILLING MYSELF" SOUNDTRACKS FOR MOVIES PROBABLY RIGHT? LIKE IN EVERY MOVIE WHERE SOMEBODY IS ABOUT TO KILL THEY SELF AND THEY NEED AMBIENT SUICIDE MUSIC THIS IS THE DUDE YOU GOTTA CALL AND BE LIKE "YO LEMME GET SOME SPARSE KEYS AND SPACEY SYNTH SHIT TO REALLY GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS THAT THIS NIGGA BEING PORTRAYED IS THINKING ABOUT KILLING HIS SELF." I WENT TO PICK MY SON UP FROM DAYCARE EARLY ONCE AND THEY WERE PLAYING THIS SHIT AT NAPPY TIME. THIS IS NAPPY TIME HEROIN MUSIC B I CAN'T PROLLY EVEN GET PUSSY TO THIS UNLESS I GO TO ART SCHOOL. YO I'MA PRODUCE A FILM THAT IS JUST A SHOT OF WATER SLOWLY DRIPPING OFF A LEAF ON A DREARY DAY AND THIS IS THE NIGGA THATS GONNA DO THE SOUNDTRACK POW I JUST WON 6 OSCARS BITCH. THIS IS THE TYPE OF MUSIC THAT NIGGAS TALK ABOUT IN JARGON LIKE "THE CREATIVE CHALLENGE OF THESE PIECES IS NOT LOST IN THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NON ABTRUSIVE THEY MERELY ARE JUST THAT, MUSICALITY AND THOUGHT." NAHMEAN THAT'S HOW MY REVIEW WOULD READ IF I NEVER NOT ONCE ENTERED A WOMAN'S VAGINAL CANAL WITH MY PP. LUCKILY FOR YOU I GET PUSSY LIKE RACHEL MADDOW.

I GIVE THIS 4 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUT OF 5 BECAUSE BRIAN ENO IS UPON THE ELEMENTS, HE IS THE CONSENTION OF FORWARD THOUGHT IN INSTRUMENTATION AND VIABILITY OF SOUND.

STANDOUT TRACK: YO THIS NIGGA HAD THE CAUCACITY TO GIVE ALL THE JOINTS ON THIS SHIT THE SAME NAME. *SWIFTLY ROUNDHOUSES THIS NIGGA IN THE THORAX*

@THEKIDMERO

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