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Bonnaroo by Numbers: Drugs, Homophobia, and Free Hugs in the Tennessee Heat

We Saw This

By Maria Murray

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Elton John can apparently still sing. Photo credit: Michael James Murray

The 13th incarnation of Bonnaroo had all the trappings of your typical 80,000+ person Tennessee clusterfuck, with what started as a beautiful 700 acre farm devolving into a soggy, ratchet cesspool fueled by Amish donuts and pseudo-molly you acquired in Pod 3. Regardless, we turned up and saw Kanye West on Friday night—which was awesome, except for the fact that everyone started calling him a gay fish.

In order to capture the rest of the madness, we broke the festival down by the numbers because, honestly, how else can one cover something like this? 

Acid is dope. Photo credit: Michael James Murray

Bums breaking the open-container law in the Walmart parking lot pre-Bonnaroo: 35

People with walking sticks: 8

Crowd surfers during Real Estate’s Thursday night set: 13 [Ed. note: surprised by this]

Objects thrown during Brooks Wheelan’s comedy set: 2 (folding chair, beer can)

Rainbows that appeared during Cass McCombs’ set: 2

Is that Lena Dunham? Photo credit: Michael James Murray

Walkie Talkie kids: 2

Girls with broken legs and crutches being toted around via wagon: 1

Completely unnecessary disco pants in 85-degree weather: 2

People lugging around little stools to stand on (fuck you): 6

People air guitarring during White Denim’s set: 12

Or is that Lena Dunham? Photo credit: Michael James Murray

Girls dressed like Ke$ha seen accidentally dropping mini donuts on the ground and subsequently eating them: 1

Dudes with “free hugs” signs: 2

People playing a game of leapfrog: 3

People climbing the rafters at That Tent for Danny Brown: 8

Broad City Live shows that were canceled and left fans (i.e. this writer) in the deepest pit of despair: 2

People at Bonnaroo just love dick jokes. Photo credit: Michael James Murray

High-fives given: 64,458

Instances of “FUCK KANYE” graffiti calling him a gay fish: lost count tbh

Flower crowns I never want to see again in my life: all of them

 

Maria Murray is still struggling with internet access. She's on Twitter @mariapulcinella

Michael James Murray is still amped he took photos of Kanye West. He's on Twitter@miichaeljames

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