A Tempered, Measured Review of "Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book," by the Guy Who Wrote and Illustrated "Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book"
[Editor's Note: Regular Noisey contributor and noted middle school football coach Shea Serrano wrote and illustrated a coloring book with Bun B from UGK. It comes out today. We love Shea and his book is great, so we assigned a review of it to him. Buy the book on Amazon for yourself, or else.]
I've reviewed exactly one book in my six years of professional writing. It was called Antonio's Gun and Delfino's Dream: True Tales of Mexican Migration. It was about Mexicans. I enjoyed it greatly. But I did not enjoy it more than the book I am reviewing today. This one isn't about Mexicans. Better than that: The book I am reviewing today was written and illustrated by a Mexican. Me. I'm the Mexican. It's my book. It's called Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity. It's called that because it's also Bun B's book, if you can even believe that.
I'd assumed that writing a review of a book that I wrote and illustrated would be difficult, that I'd be unable to write something objective and fair. Alas, I was wrong. It was easy. BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS THE FUCKING TITS.
I can say with certainty: Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book is, in no unclear terms, the greatest, most important work of art of the last 300 years.
It's 48 pages long, and that's the exact same number of pages the Bible has, and that's not an accident. That's a little thing called God's will.
I showed the book to my mom and dad they were like, "OHH MYYYYYYYYY FFUUUUUUUUUUUU, BRO, CAN I BORROW $4,000,000?!!" That's a little thing called parental pride.
I showed the book to the President and he got a boner. Did you know that when the President gets a boner all of the members of the Secret Service stop and salute it? They do. That's a little thing called respect.
I took a copy of the book and placed it on Tupac's grave because he has a page in it. Do you know what happened? He climbed rightthefuck out of his grave and started doing the dance that he did in the "I Get Around" video. That's a little thing called a miracle.
Other people with pages in Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Book: Pimp C, Drake, Wiz Khalifa, Ice-T, Juicy J, Queen Latifah, Mac Miller, Jay Z, Rick Ross, Kanye, Danny Brown, Questlove, more.
Approximately half of the pages are traditional coloring pages. The other half are activities, including but not limited to word search puzzles, mazes, connect the dots, true or false questions and, believe it not, cosmological investigations.
The cover is a heavy duty material that feels like how steering wheels in expensive cars feel.
There is a glossary in the back with notes on each of the people listed in the book (LL COOL J's lawyer edited his so that it didn't include a part I'd written into his blurb about being an amazing rapper but also being amazing shark fighter because of Deep Blue Sea, that's how you know it's real).
There is a Thank You page in the back that has the word "fuck" in the first paragraph and I'm sorry about that.
The book is a perfect the way a newborn baby is perfect the way Breaking Bad is perfect the way a deep ball from Tom Brady is perfect the way Denzel's speech at the end of John Q is perfect the way Usain Bolt's closing 20 meters are perfect the way.
Go buy the book. It's on sale wherever they sell books and it's also available on the Internet. If you do not buy it and it does not end up on the New York Times Best Sellers list then I'm sure I will find myself hanged by an extension cord in a city park somewhere.
That's a little thing called please don't let me die.
Bun B's Rap Coloring and Activity Bookwas written and illustrated by Shea Serrano. It was curated by Bun B. It is being published by New York's prestigious ABRAMS Books. And it is available for purchase now.