Rick Ross congratulates himself on Instagram
Today, Rick Ross announced, via Twitter, Twitter avatar, and Instagram, that he is now the proud owner of 25 Wingstop locations. Meek Mill congratulated him, and lots of fans did, too. The Bawse of both a roster of mid-tier rappers and many menus of mid-tier wings also paused for a moment to reflect upon how he got to where he is and how others might do the same:
Since we're not ones to reject advice from any business leader, we might as well continue doing what we do best and keep covering Rick Ross's Wingstop adventures. See, to anyone who follows the rapper's exploits, Rick Ross's seemingly sudden arrival at 25 franchises is no surprise. He's been documenting the construction of his Wingstop empire in his music for years, gradually undermining the image of a Bawse whose empire is one of lobster bisque and naked women on helicopters in favor of an image built around taking girls out for ten-piece dinners of lemon pepper wings. Somehow, chicken wings have become Rick Ross's muse, and not in the way that selling chickens is, say, OJ da Juiceman's muse.
As a result, it seemed appropriate to pull together some of Rick Ross's lamest Wingstop moments. Here they are, in reverse order:
This is Rick Ross's coolest moment ever at Wingstop because he's giving the hardworking employees whose labor he's taking advantage of some shine. What are the labor policies at Wingstop, is my question. How do you think this girl's health insurance policy stacks up to Rockie Fresh's? How many paid sick days does she get compared to Wale? Related: What if Wale has to ask Rick Ross for sick days?
Rick Ross posted this picture on Instagram of former pro wrestler Jerry "The King" Lawler eating at WingStop. Do you think Rick Ross asked Jerry Lawler out to dinner, and, when Jerry said yes, Rick Ross told him they were going to Wingstop? I would bet that that is 100 percent the case. Do you think he pulls that move on people all the time? It seems like he probably does.
"WINGSTOP OWNER, LEMON PEPPER AROMA/YOUNG BLACK NIGGA, BARELY GOT A DIPLOMA"
"Blk & Wht" sucks, and it started a controversy because of a dumb lyric about Trayvon Martin, but, all that aside, this stands as Rick Ross's least corny Wingstop lyric, since there's internal rhyme, and it's actually a pretty legitimate boast. Shouts out to all the fast food franchisees out there on your grind.
At first glance, you might assume it was cool that Rick Ross and DJ Khaled and this other dude were eating at Wingstop under two huge cutouts of Rick Ross's face with a tablecloth and some MMG double cups. You might notice the Belaire rosé and think "wow, it's pretty cool that Rick Ross runs a BYOB Wingstop." You might wonder if Wingstop charges a corkage fee. But imagine actually walking into a restaurant and seeing some dudes eating in front of giant cardboard cutouts of one of the dudes at the table. Like, what if you had a reservation somewhere and you came in and your table wasn't ready, and the hostess apologetically pointed at the table with the cardboard cutouts and that's who you had to wait for to finish? You'd be pissed.
"THEM OTHER BOYS WELL KNOWN FOR LETTING NIGGAS STARVE/WE EATING GOOD, NOT MY FAULT, IT'S WINGSTOP'S"
This is automatically hard as fuck because it's on Lil Reese's "Us," but it's also lame because Lil Reese's "Us" is not a song that you want Rick Ross on, really. Plus he gets washed by everyone else on here. But this is a pretty good line because it's a double entendre: See, Rick Ross's crew is eating good both because of his Wingstop money and because, despite that Wingstop money, Rick Ross is taking them out to eat at Wingstop. Sick burn, Bawse.
"I HIT A LICK AND WENT AND BOUGHT A WINGSTOP (20 OF 'EM)"
This is actually a pretty great verse, and this Gucci Mane song ("Trap Boomin'") rules. Plus, it's great of Rick Ross to be responsibly investing his ill-gotten gains. But also: Come on, that's what you rush out to buy? A Wingstop? Twenty Wingstops? At least diversify your portfolio, man.
"TELL THE PLUG THAT I'M LOOKING FOR AN INCREASE/WINGSTOP, FAT BOY NEED A 10 PIECE"
Is he talking about an increase to his drug order or his wings order???? This is a pretty good fat joke, if that's what he's going for. It's a pretty good fat joke if that's not what he's going for, too.
THIS EXPLANATION OF THE ABOVE "BLK & WHT" LYRIC ON RAPGENIUS
I really want to meet the person who needs a picture of these lemon pepper wings in order to understand this line. Also the person who took the time to go on a website and annotate that lyric with that picture. I hope it was original photography and that they wrote it off as a business expense.
"THEN SHE WANTED A BITE, THEN SHE NAMED THE SPOT/BUT ME BEING THE BOSS, I TOOK HER STRAIGHT TO WINGSTOP"
All other signs aside, it was pretty clear Black Bar Mitzvah was a throwaway project because it was when Ross started bragging about Wingstop. If the "Us" line gets a pass because you're allowed to pull the Wingstop card once, the "Itchin'" one definitely doesn't. Also, this is the lamest boast ever. Let me set the scene: Rick Ross and his girl have just finished have sex in France and she wants something to eat. She names the spot, which is probably, you know, a good restaurant because they're in France. And not only does Ross, ever the non-gentleman, reject her idea, he takes her to fucking Wingstop! On another continent! And then brags like that's dope! Fast food! Which, in this scene, they probably had to get on a transcontinental flight for. Do you know how hungry your girl is going to be if you guys just finished boning and your suggestion is to take an eight-hour flight to go get some wings instead of going to the bistro around the corner? Yeah, maybe it's a boss move to hop across the pond for a meal, but, dude, I'm pretty sure you're not capable of going eight hours without a meal yourself, Ross. The other possibility here is that these are two different stories, but in that case, where the hell is the narrative continuity? Also, this line doesn't even rhyme! And once again: Rick Ross overruled this girl to go to Wingstop. That is super lame.
"I meant that and I was sincere. It came from the bottom of my heart." Truly inspiring stuff.
Kyle Kramer has won two chicken wing eating contests in his life. He's on Twitter - @KyleKramer
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