51 Names for Paris Hilton's New Young Money/Cash Money AlbumBy Luke Winkie
This week Paris Hilton announced she’s signed with Cash Money records to (finally) record a follow-up to 2006’s immortal Paris. Because it is my job, I snuck into Cash Money headquarters and managed to steal a few documents straight off of Birdman’s desk. You don’t need to know the details because they don’t fucking matter, all you need to know is we now have an EXCLUSIVE list of 51 potential titles for Paris’ new record. You’re welcome, Internet.
1 - Paris Hilton 2: Parisian Nights
2 - Parisian Nights: Paris Hilton Reloaded
3 - I Hit It First
4 -Legs: The Album
5 - Fuck Man, I Need Attention
6 - OK Computer
7 - Best of Both Worlds: Miley and Paris
8 - Misandry
9 - Ms. Andry
10 - Have U Seen Tim Dog
11 - The A1 Thick & Hearty Burger
12 - The Pink Period: Confessions From a Teenaged Wasteland
13 - The Next Great Album From Paris Hilton
14 - Worm Sandwich
15 - Do the Dew
16 - Stars are Blind 2: Even Blinder
17 - Stars are Blind 2: Electric Boogaloo
18 - Stars are Bling
19 - Sofia Coppola
20 - Sniff My Haris, Pilton
21 - Straight From My Larynx, Out of the Hilton
22 - Berlin Marriott
23 - Spring Break, by Paris Hilton
24 - Floppy Naturals
25 - One Night in Paris
26 - The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do
27 - Shitting Directly Into Your Mouth and Other Nursery Rhymes
28 - Halo 3
29 - Friday Thinks With Luke Winkie
30 - #ricksolomon
31 - The Neutral Milk Suite at the Brand New Paris Hilton
32 - Isn’t It Weird That It’s Actually Spelled Doughnut?
33 - I’m a Doughnut, You’re a DoughNOT
34 - Mandatory Seinfeld Episodes
35 - American Express
36 - 8.4 Best New Music
37 - Body Talk Pt. 4: Fuckboy Season is Over
38 - It’s Brittney Bitch
39 - Seriously Have You Seen Tim Dog
40 - Paris Hilton Is Going To Make You Her Bitch
41 - Don’t Look At Me With Your Goddamn Fucking Face
42 - Google Search “Paris Hilton Dubstep Diva” 8,090,000 Results
43 - The Simple Life: Interns
44 - N.R.A. Nicole Richie Annihilation
45 - I Just Turned Off Majical Cloudz to Listen to More Taylor Swift
46 - The Wackness 2
47 - If You Have Any Information About Tim Dog Email Me At email@example.com
48 - IN THE LAND OF NY’ALOTHA THERE IS ONLY SLEEP, IN THE SLEEPING CITY OF NY’ALOTHA WALK ONLY MAD THINGS, NY’ALOTHA IS A CITY OF OLD, TERRIBLE, UNNUMBERED CRIMES, THE DROWNED GOD’S HEART IS BLACK ICE, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN EVEN LIGHT MUST DIE, HAVE YOU HAD THE DREAM AGAIN? A BLACK GOAT WITH SEVEN EYES THAT WATCHES FROM THE OUTSIDE? IN THE SUNKEN CITY HE LAYS DREAMING. SHAGG N’GHA H’DAGON SHUGG HRII LW’NAFH CHAUGNAR FAUGN EHYE CHAI RON N’GHFT LI’HEE R’LUH ‘AIOTH
49 - The Wackness 3
50 - Paris Hilton Sings The Ballads of The True West
51 - This Is The Last Time I’m Asking If You Have Any Information About Tim Dog Please Email Me at firstname.lastname@example.org Thank U
Luke Winkie takes things from his brain and puts them onto the Internet on Twitter here - @luke_winkie
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