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51 Names for Paris Hilton's New Young Money/Cash Money Album

Friday Thinks... With Luke Winkie

By Luke Winkie

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This week Paris Hilton announced she’s signed with Cash Money records to (finally) record a follow-up to 2006’s immortal Paris. Because it is my job, I snuck into Cash Money headquarters and managed to steal a few documents straight off of Birdman’s desk. You don’t need to know the details because they don’t fucking matter, all you need to know is we now have an EXCLUSIVE list of 51 potential titles for Paris’ new record. You’re welcome, Internet.

1 - Paris Hilton 2: Parisian Nights

2 - Parisian Nights: Paris Hilton Reloaded

3 - I Hit It First

4 -Legs: The Album

5 - Fuck Man, I Need Attention

6 - OK Computer

7 - Best of Both Worlds: Miley and Paris

8 - Misandry

9 - Ms. Andry

10 - Have U Seen Tim Dog

11 - The A1 Thick & Hearty Burger

12 - The Pink Period: Confessions From a Teenaged Wasteland

13 - The Next Great Album From Paris Hilton

14 - Worm Sandwich

15 - Do the Dew

16 - Stars are Blind 2: Even Blinder

17 - Stars are Blind 2: Electric Boogaloo

18 - Stars are Bling

19 - Sofia Coppola

20 - Sniff My Haris, Pilton

21 - Straight From My Larynx, Out of the Hilton

22 - Berlin Marriott

23 - Spring Break, by Paris Hilton

24 - Floppy Naturals

25 - One Night in Paris

26 - The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

27 - Shitting Directly Into Your Mouth and Other Nursery Rhymes

28 - Halo 3

29 - Friday Thinks With Luke Winkie

30 - #ricksolomon

31 - The Neutral Milk Suite at the Brand New Paris Hilton

32 - Isn’t It Weird That It’s Actually Spelled Doughnut?

33 - I’m a Doughnut, You’re a DoughNOT

34 - Mandatory Seinfeld Episodes

35 - American Express

36 - 8.4 Best New Music

37 - Body Talk Pt. 4: Fuckboy Season is Over

38 - It’s Brittney Bitch

39 - Seriously Have You Seen Tim Dog

40 - Paris Hilton Is Going To Make You Her Bitch

41 - Don’t Look At Me With Your Goddamn Fucking Face

42 - Google Search “Paris Hilton Dubstep Diva” 8,090,000 Results

43 - The Simple Life: Interns

44 - N.R.A. Nicole Richie Annihilation

45 - I Just Turned Off Majical Cloudz to Listen to More Taylor Swift

46 - The Wackness 2

47 - If You Have Any Information About Tim Dog Email Me At drew.millard@noisey.com

48 - IN THE LAND OF NY’ALOTHA THERE IS ONLY SLEEP, IN THE SLEEPING CITY OF NY’ALOTHA WALK ONLY MAD THINGS, NY’ALOTHA IS A CITY OF OLD, TERRIBLE, UNNUMBERED CRIMES, THE DROWNED GOD’S HEART IS BLACK ICE, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN EVEN LIGHT MUST DIE, HAVE YOU HAD THE DREAM AGAIN? A BLACK GOAT WITH SEVEN EYES THAT WATCHES FROM THE OUTSIDE?  IN THE SUNKEN CITY HE LAYS DREAMING. SHAGG N’GHA H’DAGON SHUGG HRII LW’NAFH CHAUGNAR FAUGN EHYE CHAI RON N’GHFT LI’HEE R’LUH ‘AIOTH

49 - The Wackness 3

50 - Paris Hilton Sings The Ballads of The True West

51 - This Is The Last Time I’m Asking If You Have Any Information About Tim Dog Please Email Me at drew.millard@noisey.com Thank U

 

Luke Winkie takes things from his brain and puts them onto the Internet on Twitter here - @luke_winkie

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